Green, but it doesn’t sound Kiwi

Is Russel Norman’s Kiwi experience sufficient to talk about it? His latest email suggests a culture clash.

Protect your river swim, take action now

Have you taken a river swim yet this summer? That moment when you plunge in and your heart stops for just a second in the freezing water, the kids stay away from the banks so the eels can’t nibble their toes and your picnic waits on the warm stones.

An unmistakably Kiwi experience.

Who the hell wrote that? Clint? It sounds nothing like my Kiwi experience.

Sure, the cool water can take a bit of getting used to, especially if it’s in a glacial fed South Island river.

But I’ve never been worried about eels and have not seen anyone that was, and I have never heard of toe nibbling every happening. When I was a kid I often went eeling in the Clutha, and I often swam in the same river and never had any issues with eels then.

And I try to find something more comfortable than stones to picnic on.

This email is more like PR palaver with no connection to my Kiwi reality.

But it’s an experience currently at risk with 61% of monitored swimming sites on our rivers already unsafe for swimming.

River pollution is certainly an important issue that needs attention.

But if you want to appeal to ordinary Kiwis then bloody well write like an ordinary Kiwi!

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