Use and abuse of protection orders

Duncan Garner interviewed Judge Peter Boshier yesterday on family violence and protection orders. In that Garner referred to problems with protection orders, and then took calls from men with different experiences.

Garner (in Boshier interview):

What about protection orders, I’ve heard from people on my show this afternoon, from a mother, a woman called Sue and her daughter who both have protection orders against the daughter’s ex, the son-in-law of Sue, who has breached the protection order three or four times and only been fined or different curfews put in. No prison time.

Talkback – Jamie:

I’ve had two protection orders put on me mate and both exceeding ten years ago. I think the protection order is like you know the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff.

Clearly I didn’t know how to be in a relationship.

Clearly I didn’t know how to handle my emotions.

Clearly I was uncontrolled.

If I hadn’t been caught, what I learned afterwards, at school or somewhere beforehand, I would have never had obtained a protection order on me.

My second point would be when people sign down and protection orders are put in place, it shouldn’t just be a contract, it should be a contract with the female as well, where they both agree that no one will go in their home.

Garner: How are things now?

Oh no I’m good now because I got away from the relationship. But I’ll give you one example. I sent texts to my kids, ok because I didn’t fully understand the protection order. I sent texts to my kids saying good morning and good night. When I got breached I’d had thirty two texts in a sixteen day period, good morning, good night, and I got breached.

Luckily the police understood and they only breached me twice instead of the three that would have put me in jail eh.

Alan:

I have to say that what’s going on in the media seems to be fairly one sided.

When I was in a bad relationship years ago and we had custody issues, after  two years of not getting information from the school, and I actually got back custody, I went to the school and said why didn’t I get anything?

And they said oh ’cause your wife said she had a protection order against you.

Garner: “And did you?”

No.

Relationship break ups and custody disputes can be very emotional for all involved. Protection orders are an essential part of trying to help deal with these situations, but they can be abused by both males and females.

Protection orders can be used as weapons in relationship and family disputes.

Protection of victims in relationships and especially of children is paramount – but fair use and protection of the rights of all parties is very important.

Transcript: Judge Peter Boshier on family violence

Judge Peter Boshier on family violence

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11 Comments

  1. These orders are regularly abused by people who lie using the Courts – usually on a vendetta basis to take kids away from dads – I’ve seen it several times and all it takes is a few tears and a few lies to dud judges and that the end of it – using kids as weapons is a sick game

    Reply
    • Mike C

       /  4th August 2015

      @Tyrant

      There are men who also manipulate the Family Court system too.

      My Sisters ex-husband lied in his affidavits and on the stand, and managed to get the Family Court Judge to believe his bull-shit.

      She lost custody of her children, and she spent more than 10 years in Family Court trying to get to spend more time with her children, and came very close to it nearly destroying her mentally.

      He used to give her fat lips, and punched her in the stomach on their wedding night, and dragged her out of bed and threw her on the floor when she was extremely ill with hyperemesis gravidarum during her first pregnancy.

      That was an abuser, not just physically, but also verbally and emotionally, and he was hell-bent on continuing to try and control her life long after their marriage ended.

      I would liken his behaviour to him treating her as if she was a chattel that he owned.

      My Sisters children eventually reached an age where they were listened to by the Judges, and they chose to live with her from about the age of 12, but sadly it took an enormous toll on my sister as well as her boys, because the father didn’t stop trying to make their lives miserable.

      Reply
      • @ Mike C

        Awful story – i understand it goes both ways, but i was just talking about a couple of friends who in my view post break up have had the kids used against them as punishment. In both cases the kids have reached an age where they are heard and subsequently they live with their dads most of the time, and the mothers lies have been exposed. Sad really for everyone as now its a battle the other way with ex wives who are aggressive, abusive etc and it just hurts the kids. Often people tell lies to cover for their own mistakes and of course they back themselves in to a corner. The lies get bigger, and its the kids that suffer.

        Reply
        • Mike C

           /  4th August 2015

          @Tyrant

          I agree, and often both parents end up hurting the kids because it becomes a tit for tat drama where nobody wins and causes so much pain and suffering that is so unnecessary.

          Reply
          • kittycatkin

             /  4th August 2015

            A friend’s brother was accused of abusing his stepdaughters, something that he and they denied. He was in a violent relationship-he was the victim, He was not only cleared, but as the girls grew old enough, they all came to live with him as if he was their real father. Their relationship with their mother ended, of course, which was very sad-a girl needs her mother.

            Reply
            • kittycatkin

               /  4th August 2015

              A girl I knew was sure that her jealous and abusive (verbal usually but too often physical as well) boyfriend, later fiance, was like it because his love made him insecure and jealous and that when they married, all that would change. Hands up those who’d have believed this. Thought so. Her friends tried and failed to make her leave the man. (‘man’ ?) Oh, no, he’d be different after the wedding. The poor fool went ahead and married him. I lost touch, so don’t know that he didn’t change, but my guess is that he never did. He’d have been a fat lip on the wedding night because she had danced too long with the best man type, I am certain. Let’s hope that she didn’t wait as long as the poor girl above.

              But it must be very hard to admit that one is such a poor judge of character. I can understand why someone would not want to be seen as a fool and a victim.Especially if it means admitting that everyone else was right.

            • kittycatkin

               /  4th August 2015

              The sister above, I mean.

  2. jaspa

     /  4th August 2015

    Isn’t it normal in cases of a protection order covering a child to take the document in to the school for them to sight and copy? This has been the procedure in my (albeit limited) experience.

    Reply
  3. Judge Peter Boshier: I think that we need…

    It always cracks me up to hear a judge giving an opinion about need – necessity has no law.

    Reply
    • kittycatkin

       /  4th August 2015

      It didn’t make me laugh. One cannot generalise about necessity knowing no law. Why is a judge not entitled to give an opinion ? If he said categorically that ‘We need,,,,’ he could be accused of arrogance.

      Reply

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