‘You don’t beat babies’

Minister of Social Development Anne Tolley on the basics of child abuse:

“You can pass all the laws you want, but everyone knows, you don’t beat babies.”

“Families need to take responsibility..neighbours – pick up the telephone…the police can’t be in every household.”

Source – @PaulHenryShow

There’s three important messages here (not that they should need emphasising):

  • ‘You don’t beat babies’
  • ‘You don’t beat babies’
  • ‘You don’t beat babies’

Audio of the interview with Anne Tolley: What can be done about New Zealand’s horrific child abuse figures?

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20 Comments

  1. Child abuse has been a part of the civil system since the time of the infanticide of Rome. It tends to concentrate at the top of the power heirarchy – scapegoating the isolated cases will not solve the problem.

    http://www.exaronews.com/articles/5608/richard-kerr-names-powerful-men-who-covered-up-kincora

    Former Kincora boy Richard Kerr has finally identified several establishment figures as people who helped to cover up a paedophile network of VIPs.
    He picked out seven men connected with intelligence, the military, and politics – and even the royal family. He identified three of them as paedophiles. Kerr has been speaking to Exaro since August 2013, but was previously too scared to name names.

    Among those who were part of the cover-up of a paedophile network linked to Kincora boys’ home in Belfast, Northern Ireland, according to Kerr, were:

    Lord Mountbatten, a cousin of the Queen, great-uncle to Prince Charles, chief of the defence staff from 1959 to 1965, murdered by the IRA in 1979;
    Sir Maurice Oldfield, director of the Secret Intelligence Service, better known as MI6;
    Sir Anthony Blunt, master of the Queen’s pictures, former officer in the Security Service, or MI5, who became a Russian spy;
    Sir Knox Cunningham, Unionist/Ulster Unionist MP, parliamentary private secretary to Harold Macmillan as prime minister, and member of the Conservative party’s national executive committee 1959-66.

    Reply
    • Maureen W

       /  13th August 2015

      There is a series of 4 interviews with Kay Griggs, wife of Head of Special Operations, Nato, discusses how the Military cover up a different type of abuse also. It’s a fascinating interview, that provides insight into how high ranking people become involved with these activities and are protected from any accountability for their actions.

      Reply
  2. kittycatkin

     /  13th August 2015

    Wasn’t Anthony Blunt’s knighthood taken away from him ?

    Reply
    • Missy

       /  17th August 2015

      Yes I believe he did, but when he was outed as a spy for Russia before, during and after the war – I don’t think it had any connection to an alleged paedophile ring.

      Reply
  3. kittycatkin

     /  13th August 2015

    There’s no excuse for hitting babies, but anyone who thinks that they could never do it might be surprised under some conditions. My mother was in a bad marriage, had me and my baby brother who was a difficult baby, always crying and grizzling, less than two years apart. She was exhausted and under great stress-she hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep for many weeks-one night she finally-FINALLY-got him to sleep, tiptoed out of the room, sat down and…

    She said that had she gone in, she’d have thrown him against the wall-she could see herself doing it as if she was seeing a film-and that she knew that she would (a) have killed him (b) have never, ever forgiven herself. She had to force herself to wait until that feeling had passed. My guess is that exhaustion and lack of sleep had made her almost psychotic (no wonder it’s used as a means of torture) Once the reason for the constant crying etc was discovered and sorted out and as he slept properly, so did she.

    I have told this story to several people who said that they had had similar things in their lives. One woman said that when she was a young mother, there was a woman who threw her baby out of the window and killed it. T said that the only difference between them was that the other woman had actually done it, but T had wanted to.

    Reply
    • I have two boys and they keep me and Mrs Crumb up all night.
      I came from a home of 4 boys, our mother left when I was 3 and my kid brother was 2. The twins were 4. We were beaten, a lot, and slapped and screamed at and whipped and whatever. You know what? I totally do not forgive my parents. I have nothing to do with them and it all goes back to those miserable days where I wished away my childhood and wondered if I would ever escape. I used to stare at myself in the mirror, wondering how I could get away. They made what should be the best part of your life, the worst part of mine.
      I totally reject the possibility of even thinking of hitting my boys. You know why? They didn’t ask to be there. When they can’t sleep and are crying, they are uncomfortable. It is not their fault; it is mine and Mrs C’s, for wanting them there.
      You don’t beat babies. You suck it up and soldier on.

      Reply
      • kittycatkin

         /  13th August 2015

        You might well be driven to if you were a young woman whose family was 12,000 miles away, had a totally unsupportive husband and had had no sleep for months because the baby (who was eventually diagnosed with something, it wasn’t just the normal crying that all babies do) kept crying, so were exhausted beyond all reason. No, she didn’t, but I can see how someone in those circumstances who was from a background where violence was the norm as my mother’s wasn’t could snap and lose it. Sleep deprivation is used as a torture weapon, and for good reason.

        Reply
  4. kittycatkin

     /  13th August 2015

    I should have said, perhaps, that as soon as my mother left the room and collapsed into a chair the bawling began again. I can think of few things more stressful-especially in a totally unsupportive relationship.

    Reply
  5. Fred

     /  13th August 2015

    Yes don’t beat babies just one punch rule and two slap rule for woman

    Reply
  6. Brown

     /  13th August 2015

    The biggest game changer in NZ would be to scrap welfare related to kids.

    Reply
    • Mike C

       /  13th August 2015

      @Brown

      Yes … too many people use babies as a means of earning an income.

      People should not have children unless they can afford to feed and clothe them without State assistance.

      I also think that kids should start Primary School at the age of three, and that school hours should be from 8.30am to 5.00pm, which would allow mothers to get back into the work force without having to pay for pre-school child-care which costs a fortune.

      Reply
      • kittycatkin

         /  13th August 2015

        They can put them into free pre-school now, for 20 hours a week.

        All your idea would do is put the financial burden on everyone else.Anything that’s free is paid for by someone else. And the idea of having school days of that length is a non-starter as anyone who’s been or known a teacher would realise.

        Those school hours would be totally impracticable. No child could do them, and no teacher should be asked to. They would all be exhausted by the end of the day-and teachers have to do marking and set lessons outside school opening hours, Their days would be intolerably long.

        I was reading at three, but most children can’t, so there’d be little point in having them at school. Where are all these new pupils going to go ? What would happen to the preschools that they can attend now ?

        Reply
      • Hollyfield

         /  13th August 2015

        WINZ also pays for after school care holiday programmes while parents are at work. Up to 20 hours per school week, and 50 hours per week for school holiday programmes. Parents with 1 child earning less than $1400/week qualify – the more children the higher the threshold.

        Reply
  7. kittycatkin

     /  13th August 2015

    Charles Dickens said that parents who abused and neglected their children should lose them, have to pay for their keep elsewhere (he was very much in favour of having these children taught at industrial schools where they could learn a trade ) and not be let to have them back so that they could carry on the bad work. This was more than 150 years ago.

    Reply
  8. kittycatkin

     /  13th August 2015

    A budget advisor in Hamilton was in the news for her brilliant advice to singleDPB mothers- have another one every 18 months so as to keep the income going and make sure that you always have one young enough to ensure that you will never have to look for work.

    Actually, the average length of time that people spend on the DPB is surprisingly short, But the ones who see it as a source of income are the ones who are noticed, of course. I have heard that in many or even most cases it’s not a conscious decision, but that the DPB means that these people don’t have much incentive to not let it happen.

    I remember seeing a group of schoolgirls in uniform admiring another (obviously former classmate’s) new baby. But one could see thought bubbles over all their heads that said that they were glad it wasn’t them !

    Reply
  9. jaspa

     /  13th August 2015

    If everybody who suspected anyone of smacking their children called the police or CYFS right now, would there be adequate resources to investigate the complaints?

    Reply
  10. Dave

     /  17th August 2015

    I take great issue with this, and the Cowards who inflict violence on those who cannot defend themselves, particularly children, babies and women.

    To try and stop this terrible practise, we firstly to need to identify the main offenders, look at their profiles, and then target those, their communities, and so on. An example, there is no point getting the message and watching all “nurses” in the community for fear they might offend, no doubt their offending is exceptionally low. So:

    Look at the Stats, we will find.
    ** The highest offender groups are from the Maori or PI communities.
    ** These same communities have a tendancy to go silent after a crime is committed to protect the whanau.

    Before I am labelled racist, please look at the stats, think of the names, then the culture, the race, and also the circumstances. Typically, the other things include factors as Cam Slater says, “some other persons kid” (The lion killing the cubs!!) But, again, this is far more prominent in the above cultures. No doubt, these killers also have a relatively poor education, are more likely to be in a low skilled job or unemployed, and have prior convictions.

    My belief, target the Maori and PI communities mainly, the acceptance and coverups has to stop, the notion needs to be widespread that ANY violence is unacceptable, but moreso violence against those that cannot defend themselves.

    Again, before I am labelled a racist, please look at the stats.

    Reply
  11. Anyways it didn’t work . I was also very impatient might I add lol anyways I’m not 36 weeks still have the app I can tell you I just got the recording of my sons heart beat !

    Reply

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