Tony Veitch on violence

The second feature article at NZ Herald in a series on addressing family silence features Tony Veitch, who became notorious for a violent attack on his then partner ten years ago.

Veitch has fronted up saying that it was a one-off grave misjudgment that  impacted on many people’s lives.

As deplorable as what Veitch did I think he is doing the right thing speaking up about it, acknowledging his mistake, makes no excuse, and promises that he has changed and will never be ‘that person’ again.

We may all be just one brain explosion away from being ‘that person’.

If we are to better address and reduce family violence then it’s important for men like Veitch to speak up, are open about what they have done and speak about how it may be dealt with. It can be very difficult, but it’s necessary

Tony Veitch pleaded guilty in April 2009 to one charge of reckless disregard causing injury over a January 2006 assault on his former partner. He was sentenced to nine months’ supervision, 300 hours of community service and a $10,000 fine.

family_violence_article_banner

Tony Veitch: Acceptance, remorse and recovery

It is 10 years since I turned from the man I’d always wanted to be, to a man I could not control. In January 2006 I made a huge mistake, a grave misjudgment on my behalf that has impacted the lives of many people and for that I am truly sorry.

Even though it was the only time that I have ever lashed out in my life, once was too much. I should have walked away, but instead I hurt someone and I can’t ever make that go away.

I have spent hours alone and in counselling sessions considering my actions that night and wondering why I ever allowed myself to get to that point.

There is no justifiable answer. I have imagined every conceivable scenario to have avoided what I did, but in the end, they were my actions. I take responsibility for that and I will do for the rest of my life.

Poor judgment on my behalf changed so much that day and I apologise unreservedly for that.

My story is public and while that’s hard personally, maybe it is a good thing. Perhaps somewhere it might help someone else make a better decision.

Hopefully it can be a small part of the process of educating New Zealanders that family violence is not okay.

It’s a very important part of helping New Zealanders accept as a given that family violence is not ok.

Veitch goes on to detail some of the difficulties he caused others and difficulties he faced himself as a consequence, including attempting suicide.

I condemned his violent attack, but I applaud what he is doing to help address violence now.

If you’re in danger NOW:

• Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours of friends to ring for you
• Run outside and head for where there are other people
• Scream for help so that your neighbours can hear you
• Take the children with you
• Don’t stop to get anything else
• If you are being abused, remember it’s not your fault. Violence is never okay

Where to go for help or more information:

• Women’s Refuge: Free national crisisline operates 24/7 – 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 www.womensrefuge.org.nz
• ShineFree national helpline 9am- 11pm every day – 0508 744 633www.2shine.org.nz
• It’s Not Ok: Information line 0800 456 450 www.areyouok.org.nz
• Shakti: Providing specialist cultural services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and their children. Crisisline 24/7 0800 742 584
• Ministry of Justice: www.justice.govt.nz/family-justice/domestic-violence
• National Network of Stopping Violence: www.nnsvs.org.nz
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men’s violence towards women, focusing this year on sexual violence and the issue of consent. www.whiteribbon.org.nz

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97 Comments

  1. lurcher1948

     /  8th May 2016

    Tony (the booter)Veitch a little while back tried to say his former partner caused him to kick her, veitch shut your pie hole and keep your damn head down scum

    [I’ll leave this comment for openness but I think it is totally inappropriate in the context of this post. PG]

    Reply
  2. MaureenW

     /  8th May 2016

    The story would be more interesting and balanced if Veitch’s former partner could have shared her side.

    Reply
    • MaureenW

       /  8th May 2016

      I should add to the above , ….but was paid off to stop her from doing so.

      Reply
      • Kitty Catkin

         /  8th May 2016

        Money that she could have refused if she felt that strongly about it-she wasn’t forced to take the money.

        Reply
        • MaureenW

           /  8th May 2016

          No, he wasn’t forced to attack her either .. And not just the once was it? As I said above, there would be a better balance to this story if both sides were told.

          Reply
          • Kitty Catkin

             /  8th May 2016

            She took the money, agreed not to tell, then told-not very ethical. We don’t know what was going on, probably never will know.

            Reply
            • MaureenW

               /  8th May 2016

              He probably told her he wouldn’t hit her again after the first time, etc… Don’t know why the money is such an issue, she deserved to keep it, and go back on her word. There’s not much honour expected from repeat abusers.

  3. I agree that we need to understand why people do this, and be able to accept people can change. But Veitch has seemed to almost revel in this and shown little if any remorse , I can’t believe the herald give him a video show called ” The vent ” nor that radio sport advertise him as a ” small man with a big heart ” ( or something like that )…

    Reply
    • Veitch appears to me to be showing remorse and I think deserves the benefit of the doubt that it’s genuine. There is no indication to me it is not genuine, and past bitterness at what he has done should be left in the past unless there’s any proof it wasn’t a one off mistake.

      Reply
      • alloytoo

         /  8th May 2016

        Based on what is admittedly hearsay, I don’t have a strong motive for believing Veitch’s remorse is genuine or that his behavour has substantively changed.

        Reply
    • Pantsdownbrown

       /  8th May 2016

      Veitch also has little sympathy from me;

      *In order to save his career his first reaction was to ‘pay off’ his accuser so she wouldn’t talk about the incident.
      *He only showed ‘remorse’ for the act when she went public and his media career appeared ruined.
      *When she did go public he attempted to put some of the blame on her for getting him to the point that he lost his rag and booted her on the ground.
      *His ‘suicide’ attempts appeared highly likely an attempt for public sympathy, taking his cellphone with him, calling people, and ensuring he could be found before anything untoward could occur.
      *Friends in high places ensured he would eventually still be earning top money in his job on radio (the one he tried to protect by paying off his victim) when he should have been removed from air permanently, perhaps at best working behind the scenes away from the microphone. In the twitter post below he also gloats about his ‘popularity’ and career since the incident.
      *On twitter in October last year he still was victim blaming “learn from what was a hideous relationship”: http://www.newshub.co.nz/tvshows/newsworthy/what-tony-veitch-should-have-said-2015102020#axzz480alIiUo – No Veitch, you should have learned from your actions.

      Reply
      • Pickled Possum

         /  8th May 2016

        @ PDB Hear,hear

        Reply
        • Nelly Smickers

           /  8th May 2016

          Goodness, I never really followed any of this at the time – what a HORRIBLE LITTLE CREEP!!

          Reply
      • Pantsdownbrown

         /  8th May 2016

        I should have said on ‘facebook’ not ‘twitter’.

        Reply
        • Kitty Catkin

           /  8th May 2016

          I sincerely hope that she gave the money back. Yeah, right.

          Reply
        • Kitty Catkin

           /  8th May 2016

          It seems to me that there is a lot of smug condemnation whenever something like this happens, but I suspect that we could all be pushed over the line in some circumstances, or a combination of them. But most of us aren’t put to the test.

          Reply
          • Alan Wilkinson

             /  8th May 2016

            Very true, Kitty. It took me a long time to realise there are sometimes no words that work but a hug or a touch can do it. Frustration and miscommunication can easily escalate.

            Reply
          • Pantsdownbrown

             /  8th May 2016

            Maybe, but most right thinking people then wouldn’t go and pay-off the victim or once busted try and blame the victim in some way for those actions. Police records indicate this was not a ‘one-off’ incident – just the final & worst of numerous incidents leading up to that point.

            Reply
          • Alan Wilkinson

             /  8th May 2016

            The victim needed immediate support so obviously you would give it? And the relationship was obviously at an end so obviously you would attempt to settle it acceptably to both sides in the course of compensating for what you had done?

            Where did he blame the victim? Link?

            The police file contains allegations never tested in court. I’m unclear about how it was released, or how much, given that there was a court order suppressing it?

            Reply
  4. Alan Wilkinson

     /  8th May 2016

    Nope, I don’t know enough to pass judgement on the guy, his responses or his crime. Lots of people emoting from their own experience. Fine, speak for yourself, not for someone else.

    If I recall right his partner accepted substantial money as a final settlement and then gave evidence against him. If so, strange morals too.

    Reply
    • Pantsdownbrown

       /  8th May 2016

      AW: “If I recall right his partner accepted substantial money as a final settlement and then gave evidence against him. If so, strange morals too”.

      Maybe so, but she isn’t the one publically saying they are a ‘reformed woman basher’ when quite clearly in October last year he was still partially blaming her for his actions and gloating to his detractors that they were ‘losers’ & simply ‘jealous’ of his success since the incident.

      Reply
      • Alan Wilkinson

         /  8th May 2016

        Frankly I think his personal “detractors” deserved exactly what they got.

        As for the blame, it often does take two to start a fight (which certainly doesn’t excuse his physical violence) and given her actions over the money and court case I would not be quick to sanctify her.

        Reply
        • Pantsdownbrown

           /  8th May 2016

          AW “which certainly doesn’t excuse his physical violence”

          Once that is acknowledged and accepted then her actions previous or after the incident don’t come into it?

          Reply
          • Alan Wilkinson

             /  8th May 2016

            Depends what “it” is. This is an attempt by critics with an agenda to define the debate.

            Reply
    • Kitty Catkin

       /  8th May 2016

      I think that his ex can’t have it both ways. If they were having a fight that got out of hand, and she took money to let it drop-and then didn’t-that is not very ethical. She was morally obliged to give the money back.

      I have a dim memory that her ‘injuries’ were really exaggerated so that it sounded as if he’d virtually crippled her.

      Reply
      • not sure i remember it being claimed to be worse than this ? http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/2427247/Tony-Veitch-police-file-released

        Reply
      • Pantsdownbrown

         /  8th May 2016

        You are getting side-tracked Kitty….what is important here?

        *Veitch physically assaulted his partner by booting her in the back – he pleads guilty to that so no debate.
        *Veitch has shown on many occasions (as I highlight above – even as late as last year) that he has never taken responsibility for that act & was more concerned about his career than the victim, regardless of what he is spinning in the Herald article.

        Reply
        • Alan Wilkinson

           /  8th May 2016

          Are you denying his statement that “it was a hideous relationship”? From all accounts I have read it certainly was. Do you not think learning from that to build a better relationship is utterly crucial to reforming?

          Reply
          • Pantsdownbrown

             /  8th May 2016

            The fact he chose in that facebook post to attack his detractors personally and only talked about his ‘hideous relationship’ with not ONE mention of his part, or remorse for the assault suggests to me that 9 years or so after the event he still hadn’t taken ownership of his actions. This is a guy who kicked a woman in the back as she was slumping to the ground thus unable to defend herself, then he provided her a pillow for where she lay on the floor, left her there and went to bed as he had an early start on breakfast radio the following morning – all on record & plead guilty to.

            I quote from that article link I provided above as it sums it up well: “Instead of unequivocally telling his 154,000 fans that domestic violence is always wrong, no matter how “hideous” a relationship may be, he tells them that people who are still angry are “haters” and “sad people”.

            Reply
            • Alan Wilkinson

               /  8th May 2016

              You overlook the likelihood that both statements are true.

            • Alan Wilkinson

               /  8th May 2016

              I find your argument quite bizarre. He gets slammed on Facebook ten years after his crime and punishment by personal attackers and you think his response should just be to grovel. How long should he keep that up? I would tell them to FO and sort out their own miserable lives and so did he.

              Then he writes a mea culpa in the Herald urging others not to behave as he did and you believe it cannot be sincere. How many years did he have to regret and reform before he was even able to work again? How can you possibly put yourself in his shoes?

            • Gezza

               /  8th May 2016

              Nah I’m sorry Alan I agree with PDB. I’ve read the article. He’s still making excuses that don’t wash. He’s blaming it on suffering from anxiety and depression now. Anxiety and depression don’t make you do that shit.

            • Alan Wilkinson

               /  8th May 2016

              @Gezza, it’s unstated when the depression occurred. Tension, stress and anxiety can certainly enhance adrenaline, panic and blind rage. Moderation of anger responses requires brain interventions that can be physically impaired. I read his article as a warning to others that this is what happened to him rather than as an excuse. I don’t see anything in the article as an attempt to deny what happened, just to describe it as it seemed to him. There is pretty strong evidence of some physical and genetic characteristics that make it harder for individuals to control temper. It is unwise to assume everyone is the same. It is wise to learn from a range of other people’s experiences.

            • Pantsdownbrown

               /  8th May 2016

              AW: ” you think his response should just be to grovel” – I wouldn’t have blamed it on a ‘hideous relationship’ nine years after the event that’s for sure. Why did Veitch reply to the facebook haters at all? Especially when he came across as so smug about how the majority of public love him & the ‘haters’ were just jealous of his success. What was he trying to achieve but to rub people’s noses in it?

              AW: “How many years did he have to regret and reform before he was even able to work again?” – less than two years (left radio mid 2008 back early 2010), as I said, mates in high places. Other people apparently left radio sport in protest at his sudden high profile return & grooming for the top spot of breakfast host. My whole point is there is very little evidence of the true ‘regret’ you mention – his actions and words until this Herald article suggest otherwise (as I lay out above).

              AW: “How can you possibly put yourself in his shoes?” – I wouldn’t hit a woman, and if for some reason I did I wouldn’t try to downplay, or blame other circumstances for my actions over a ten year period like Veitch has.

            • Gezza

               /  8th May 2016

              @ Al. I’ve given you an uptick because TBH I’m not sure whether stress & anxiety could maybe cause that kind of violent outburst. His callous, self-interested behaviour immediately following it doesn’t fit with stress & anxiety, so it doesn’t prompt me to cut him much slack at all. The day he comes out with a statement apologising and condemning violence which can’t be interpreted as making excuses for what he did is the day I might cut him some slack.

            • Alan Wilkinson

               /  8th May 2016

              @PDB, if you can’t imagine doing the crime I’m sure you can’t imagine recovering from it. Or spending two years wondering if you would ever work at your profession again.

              He didn’t blame it on a hideous relationship, he just said it was one which is obviously factual. Why reply to Facebook haters? Because they are very obnoxious people who thoroughly deserve it up them.

            • Alan Wilkinson

               /  8th May 2016

              @Gezza, susceptibility to violence:
              http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1458834/

              Not an authoritative source, but seems to know what they are talking about: http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/symptoms/aggression-violence

            • Pantsdownbrown

               /  8th May 2016

              What’s happened to you Alan? Next thing you’ll be blaming Maori child abuse rates on European colonisation……

            • Alan Wilkinson

               /  8th May 2016

              @PDB, that’s the whole point. I am not blaming anyone or anything (other than those who abused Veitch on FB). Veitch did the crime and the time ten years ago and I simply look at the facts as I see them.

            • Gezza

               /  8th May 2016

              Both links very good. Thanks Alan. He needs to think more about what he does say if there ever is a next time – and I think he should just flag it really. This latest article of his still comes across as self-justifying again. He’s an egomaniac & still too egocentric. He didn’t have great judgement when he communicated as a sportscaster on tv either. he’d come out with embarrassing lines @ times that made the newsreaders wince because they knw they’d be offensive to some (a bit like Paul Henry). He looks older, but he still hasn’t grown up yet, IMO.

            • Alan Wilkinson

               /  8th May 2016

              I only remember him from chairing a panel game with the likes of Ridge and Ellis. He seemed an “over the top” personality so I can well believe stress and anxiety were high. Takes all types, cut some slack – it’s usually worth it.

            • Alan Wilkinson

               /  8th May 2016

              @Gezza, your comment sparks the thought that newsreaders are the “never make a mistake” bureaucrats of journalism whereas sportscasters are the “you have to take risks to score” entrepreneurs. Chalk and cheese.

            • Gezza

               /  8th May 2016

              @ Al, well, he was like no other sportscaster on TV1 before or after. Brash young big mouth to me, but yes, others did like him. He was on around the time when we had US-Style personality quiz shows on TV where the contestants were encouraged to boast about themselves and fist-pump the air to cheers from enthusiastic young audiences etc. I remember thinking I was a bit too much of the be modest, let others speak your virtues if you have any generation for that.

            • Alan Wilkinson

               /  8th May 2016

              You never watched “The crowd goes wild” then?

            • Gezza

               /  8th May 2016

              Funnily enough I do watch “The crowd goes wild” from time to time, I adore the blonde chick. They’re quite restrained & humorous compared to how Veitch was.

              Actually, one of those young male fist-pumpers on some dating quiz show I watched when he was on it worked with me. I winced when he came on & did the ra ra me thing. He was completely self-confident. He was also incredibly smart, really smart. For a short time the green-eyed monster bit me in the bum with him, but in the end I just decided to learn from him.

              He went on to do great things in a number of different jobs a year after working where I did. He’d be on I would think around $4-5K in his current role. Travels all the time overseas for business & pleasure.

              He’s also generously unstinting in his praise for anyone he ever worked with, or under, for the things they taught him. And when he meets you in the street he’s always on his way to some meeting or other but says we’ve got to have a coffee or a drink & catch up, when’s good for you? And he’s there, on time, and he wants to know about you.

            • Gezza

               /  8th May 2016

              Duh .. he’d be on about $400-500K I meant … 😳

          • Kitty Catkin

             /  8th May 2016

            So somebody shouldn’t say that people should walk away from a bad relationship before it reaches that stage ? If someone who’s in a violent relationship stays in it, they are saying that it’s acceptable to be treated in that way. His partner could have walked out the door, and so could he. They didn’t until everything exploded. We can all learn from this.

            By the way-I do know what it’s like to be in a violent relationship. It wasn’t like it all the time, and I was too proud to say that I had made a mistake in thinking that I. as a teenager when we first began living together, could handle this moody, brooding older man. Nobody wants to hear ‘I told you so.’ It finally occurred to me that he couldn’t change, but I could walk out-and I did.

            Reply
            • Alan Wilkinson

               /  8th May 2016

              This is one of those times where I would like to be able to view the list of down-tickers, Kitty, in case I was ever tempted to take their opinions seriously.

            • Gezza

               /  9th May 2016

              All tickers Al. I wanna be here the day I see Corky give me an uptick. 😎

  5. Ratty

     /  8th May 2016

    He has an opportunity to educate others about Domestic Violence,for example facilitating courses. This MAY, but only may allow him steps towards atonement.

    Writing about it in a Newspaper doesn’t cut it for me

    Reply
    • Alan Wilkinson

       /  8th May 2016

      Why should he care what you think about him? You don’t even know him. I doubt he was writing for you.

      Reply
      • Kitty Catkin

         /  8th May 2016

        I don’t know anyone who had too much sympathy for the then wife of the lion park owner who expected him to believe that she was having a therapeutic massage when he found her naked in bed with their close friends, also naked. I can’t remember the details, but he dragged her out of the bed and did something-not a bashing-which she then made a complaint to the police about. I’d have been keeping quiet and been glad that I got off so lightly.

        Reply
        • Kitty Catkin

           /  8th May 2016

          I suspect that for people like Ratty, he couldn’t win. He expresses contrition-he must be a hypocrite. He doesn’t-he’s a brute.

          It was one incident 10 years ago. Can’t it be dropped ?

          Reply
          • Pantsdownbrown

             /  8th May 2016

            Kitty: “It was one incident 10 years ago. Can’t it be dropped ?”

            Well it would have been Kitty if he hadn’t just done a piece in the Herald feigning feeling guilty……

            Reply
            • Kitty Catkin

               /  8th May 2016

              There are so many worse things happening all over the world than this !

            • Pantsdownbrown

               /  8th May 2016

              Now you are being silly Kitty………this posting is about Tony Veitch so it should be no surprise to you that we are discussing (wait for it….) Tony Veitch.

            • Kitty Catkin

               /  8th May 2016

              I can’t think why it’s been raked up again, it’s not as if there haven’t been any domestic violence cases since then. It would be great if there hadn’t been.

            • Gezza

               /  8th May 2016

              I can’t think why it’s been raked up again
              Something to do with an article by him published this weekend and talking about his experience of DV I think Kitty. Let me just read Pete’s post & heading again though.

        • Gezza

           /  8th May 2016

          I’d have been keeping quiet and been glad that I got off so lightly.
          Your self-esteem might be lower than I thought Kitty.

          Reply
          • Kitty Catkin

             /  8th May 2016

            No, Gezza, I’d feel such a fool for expecting someone to believe that three in a bed-the other two of whom were supposedly his close friends, making a triple betrayal-was not what it so obviously was that I wouldn’t want anyone to know this. Nor would I want people to know that I was into three-in-a-bed sex, especially with my husband’s friends and business partners. Three people naked in a bed ? Would anyone believe that nothing was going on ? ‘It’s not what it looks like !’

            If a woman walked in on her husband in these circumstances, and landed him one-or two-I’d have no sympathy for him, either.

            What is the betrayed person supposed to do ? Apologise for interrupting and quietly close the door ? Go and make coffee for them ?

            Reply
            • Gezza

               /  8th May 2016

              Pack their bags, call a taxi, tell them to leave. If they won’t & you lease or own the place, call the police and get them to move them out. If you don’t lease or own the place, and they won’t go, pack your bags and leave. Come back for the rest of your stuff the next day.

            • Kitty Catkin

               /  8th May 2016

              ANYONE who was doing this, man or woman, could hardly be surprised when their partner reacted with fury-and distress-and lashed out. If it was a man, and his wife gave him something to remember her by, I bet that the reaction would be that it served him damned well right, especially if he made an excuse that was an insult to anyone’s intelligence.

              The other two seem to have just lain there-the man didn’t leap out and stop it.

            • Gezza

               /  8th May 2016

              Where do you stop with this argument Kitty. When the lashing out is done in a blind rage with a blunt object and kills them? Because, according to the defence counsels, that’s often what happened.

      • Ratty

         /  8th May 2016

        I doubt he was writing for anyone else but himself if thats your point

        Reply
        • Alan Wilkinson

           /  8th May 2016

          I expected that answer from you and I reject it. I have little doubt he wrote with trepidation expecting another torrent of attacks.

          Reply
          • Gezza

             /  8th May 2016

            Then at the very least his judgement about what to say is way off – again. Which fits with how he used to come across to me as a sportscaster as well.

            Reply
            • Alan Wilkinson

               /  8th May 2016

              Obviously. But it takes all kinds of personalities to make a world and obviously too he has a niche who like and relate to him.

          • Pantsdownbrown

             /  8th May 2016

            More likely the paper approached him to contribute and he was put on the spot.

            Reply
            • Alan Wilkinson

               /  8th May 2016

              Yes, either directly or indirectly. Otherwise why on earth would he want to stir all this up again?

            • $ …?

            • Pantsdownbrown

               /  8th May 2016

              I don’t think so PZ – more likely he was approached and it would have looked worse for him if it came out later in the media that he had refused to contribute.

            • Gezza

               /  8th May 2016

              Come on PDB. Really? “Mr Veitch was asked to contribute an article for this series but declined to do so.” ?
              1. Why would they even bother to mention it if he declined an invitation? What would be the point? After the last debacle no one would expect him to. It’s a non-story.
              2. Even if they did approach him and then published a statement that he’d declined to do so, people would either shrug their shoulders or just say – good! 😎

  6. Hall

     /  8th May 2016

    People on this thread act like they have never made a mistake before, they talk like they have never done anything wrong in their lives. No ones perfect he made a mistake and has to live with the consequences so stop being hypocrites. Some woman deliberately push buttons, while men use their strength woman use their mouth. A callous comment can’t hurt more then a punch in the face.

    Reply
    • Alan Wilkinson

       /  8th May 2016

      I’m in danger of agreeing with you, Hall. Not sure if I agree with what you intended to say in the last sentence. Both words and punches can hurt and do lasting damage or even be fatal. Neither are ok.

      Reply
      • Hall

         /  8th May 2016

        Yep it was suppose to be can hurt more then a punch in the face,

        Reply
  7. Pantsdownbrown

     /  8th May 2016

    Stuff.co.nz: “White Ribbon campaign manager Rob McCann said the organisation supported ambassadors who were formerly domestic violence perpetrators themselves, and who had reformed and gone on to educate other men.

    Part of that process was acknowledging the blame for violence lay within, not with the target of their abuse: “We don’t expect them to change in a vaccuum.”

    He said Veitch’s column by comparison read like it was written to to protect his own image – and spent some column inches detailing his guilt over the “one singular act”.

    McCann pointed out it had been reported previously the police file painted a different picture to Veitch’s version of events.

    “It’s great that he’s apologised but from an outsider’s point of view it looks like a PR apology. It looks like the apology you make when you’re not really apologising for the things you’ve done.”

    McCann added: “If you want to make apologies and send a message you should apologise to the person you’ve hurt, to your former partner – not talking about the toll it’s taken on yourself.”

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/79741914/tony-veitch-speaks-out-acknowledges-domestic-abuse-of-former-partner-kristin-dunnepowell

    Reply
    • MaureenW

       /  8th May 2016

      Amen.

      Reply
    • Alan Wilkinson

       /  8th May 2016

      McCann is a PR professional himself as well as a Labour party insider and candidate. He spins Veitch’s article for his own purposes by treating it as an apology rather than an attempt to reduce domestic violence.

      Reply
      • Pantsdownbrown

         /  8th May 2016

        I don’t know how much evidence you need Alan that Veitch is a self serving asshole who has never owned up to the full extent of his abuse – it wasn’t a ‘one off’ as he has always maintained……..

        Reply
        • Alan Wilkinson

           /  9th May 2016

          it wasn’t a ‘one off’ as he has always maintained

          We have courts to decide those kinds of disputed allegations. I don’t believe in short-circuiting such decisions which are often difficult even for courts and rigorous cross-examinations to determine.

          Reply
        • patupaiarehe

           /  9th May 2016

          @PDB
          This is what he said:

          Even though it was the only time that I have ever lashed out in my life, once was too much. I should have walked away, but instead I hurt someone and I can’t ever make that go away

          “Lashed out”. I’ve read the other allegations against him, and suspect there is some truth in them, but there are only two people who know the whole truth. I’m not one of them, and neither are you.

          Reply
          • Pantsdownbrown

             /  9th May 2016

            Hence you look at all the evidence and make the call – I’m backing her chain of events.

            Reply
            • Alan Wilkinson

               /  9th May 2016

              I know and that tells me something about you but nothing about him.

            • Pantsdownbrown

               /  9th May 2016

              I agree, I back what all the events following the incident show me whilst all you have is that Veitch ‘sounded’ sincere…….

  8. Pantsdownbrown

     /  8th May 2016

    This is Kristen Dunne-Powell’s father Steve Dunne’s response to that the Veitch article (lies).

    “Silence can too easily be misinterpreted as condoning the act. More often, silence will be hiding the hearer’s utter disgust”. So the New Zealand Herald allowing Mr Veitch’s self serving propaganda (again) astounds us.

    And positioning him as part of the solution is an insult to all true victims of this tragic issue.

    If this “apology” showed genuine remorse, it would have been given privately to our daughter.

    She has never received one. So who gains from this public “apology”? And actually is it an apology at all? Tony, to atone for your actions, you must stand in the complete truth.

    This was no one-off, as you still attempt to mislead the New Zealand public to believe.

    The other charges were never presented to the court, but they remain evidence of your systematic abusive pattern. In those files lies a very inconvenient truth for you.

    Through Kristin’s charitable work we have met many former perpetrators of violence who are now White Ribbon ambassadors and I encourage you Tony to seek their help and support, so you may genuinely and deeply face your abusive actions, with integrity. And truth”.

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/79754791/i-wish-my-daughter-was-not-forever-connected-to-tony-veitch

    Reply
    • Alan Wilkinson

       /  8th May 2016

      Some weird conflicts in that statement.

      “The constant reminders of this public case also haunt her as she attempts to go happily about her daily life.” vs “Through Kristin’s charitable work we have met many former perpetrators of violence who are now White Ribbon ambassadors”

      “She has never received [an apology]” vs a significant sum in compensation was paid and settlement terms apparently agreed.

      Reply
  9. patupaiarehe

     /  9th May 2016

    IMHO it is good that this issue is being raised, and discussed. Problem is, the terms of the discussion keep being dictated. There seems to be an ‘accepted mantra’ that keeps being repeated. Although it isn’t wrong, it minimises others contributions to what ends up as domestic violence.
    What Tony wrote didn’t sound like an apology to me, and I don’t think he intended it as one.

    I have spent hours alone and in counselling sessions considering my actions that night and wondering why I ever allowed myself to get to that point

    I don’t think he got to “that point” all by himself. It takes two to tango. And I am not for a minute advocating that his reaction was right. And neither is he.
    Alan said earlier that

    Both words and punches can hurt and do lasting damage or even be fatal. Neither are ok.

    That’s right. NEITHER are OK.

    Reply
    • Pantsdownbrown

       /  9th May 2016

      The problem with your statement is;

      *You have no proof that she verbally abused him.
      *We have proof that he physically assaulted her.

      “I don’t think he got to “that point” all by himself. It takes two to tango”

      If you an angry little twat with a superiority complex a person could easily become violent for no apparent reason, it may have been only the smallest little thing she did that set him off.

      Reply
      • Alan Wilkinson

         /  9th May 2016

        The trouble with your statement is that it is speculation.

        Reply
        • Gezza

           /  9th May 2016

          Relucantly, I agree. Only the little & twat parts are beyond doubt.

          Reply
        • Pantsdownbrown

           /  9th May 2016

          That he broke her back is ‘not speculation’.

          Still can’t see the forest for the trees Alan………

          Reply
      • patupaiarehe

         /  9th May 2016

        @Gezza
        And you have no proof that she didn’t. That’s not the point though, nothing can justify a hiding like the one she received.
        I’m seeing a lot of speculation that this is an ego trip for Tony, or him trying to ‘twist the knife’. Which is ridiculous, IMHO.
        Maybe it is him trying to get through to someone out there, who is almost at “that point”, that they need to remove themselves from the situation, rather than allowing it to escalate. Because what is done in the heat of the moment can’t be taken back. You can’t unbreak someones back. And what is said can’t be unsaid.
        Maybe he did get through to someone. Maybe someone read what he wrote, realised they were on the same path, and thought “I don’t want to be that guy”.

        Reply
        • Gezza

           /  9th May 2016

          “@Gezza And you have no proof that she didn’t. ”

          Que, e hoa? Ay am juss a leedle confused weeth thees one: eet was no me who say theese things eet was thee brown hombre weeth thee pants down?

          Reply
          • patupaiarehe

             /  9th May 2016

            Yes, sorry my bad

            Reply
          • Alan Wilkinson

             /  9th May 2016

            Man, that big hat makes you talk funny, Gezza.

            Reply
            • Gezza

               /  9th May 2016

              Muy Celteeko ees juss ey leedle beet rustee, el Alano, aye get eet muy bueno soon aye theenk.

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