Guest post by Mother – follow-up

My uncle’s police statement reveals that –

– he knew that his attack would make life thereafter difficult for me in our community.

– he hated me as a child and youth.

– he harboured long term disrespect for my parents.

– he disrespects me as a mother and holds complete disrespect for my children.

– he has a sick mind and a cruel attitude regarding sex acts.

My uncle is in his late eighties. Police used every excuse for their bungling. At any rate, our Police and courts are busy meeting the needs of the faux martyrs, the wannabe victims and the criminal harassers.

My uncle gave his Police statement 23 years after attacking me. Enough time for a change of heart?

~~~~~~~~~

THE LAST BASTIAN

My last two and a half years were spent seeking understanding from the PCANZ.

Last week, their negligence was complete when the contact person for complaints, whose position is to support complainants, wrote –

“Please do not continue to correspond with me. As I stated previously, my response to you in the past have not been helpful to you and have upset you. I have taken advice and my role as complaints officer for the PCANZ has completed.”

This man represented (to me) the last Bastian within the PCANZ. He is a most respected man in my community – well known for his meekness, level headedness and an esteemed career. Oh dear, should I fall down again in shame? Should I? Temptation remains. It takes a long time to fully escape the psychological entanglements such that PCANZ instilled in my psyche.

I requested an appointment with a Christian counsellor, a PCANZ worshipper. No hope. She received my letter (the same as my first guest post) and suggested that I seek help from mental health services. So it seems that professional counsellors expect that the abusive practises of their church cause people to need the attention of mental health professionals.

TRUST is HEALTHY

I think it is widely understood that completely victimised victims of familial sexual abuse just have to quietly get on with their lives, choosing carefully who and when to trust.

I quietly tried to keep peace with my clan. I quietly told PCANZ to leave me out of their reconciliation efforts with PN. Even so, I intended to quietly attempt their assigned meeting. When they secretly changed their minds, I intended to quietly continue at church, in the hope of quietly serving my community.

The PCANZ took away everything I did quietly and safely. They turned my life into an unwanted noise. Before, and especially after my uncle’s assault, all I ever did was in a quiet way. I have no words to describe how hurt I am by their nonsense. Everything I have done since PN’s letter has been pushed by adrenalin. Every day – adrenalin. Do you know how dangerous that is? Simply put, I am abandoned to Jesus’ care. I trust Him.

I would never have considered taking action against my uncle. This necessary action is on PCANZ. This is another noise, a strife created by them which I would rather avoid. I have repeatedly asked for help with my concern regarding potential repercussions. I am frightened. Do PCANZ care? Silence.

My careful choosing of trust turned into a conglomerative mess. Trust is what the PCANZ preaches.

Trust. It is helpful to trust PG with my testimony. I like how Your NZ is a free speech blog for those who don’t threaten free speech.

A few days ago I made my debut on Your NZ. At one point I found it necessary to express that Your NZ is mine too. I was easily found out as a Christian, despite not saying so at first, and I discovered that a few people on Your NZ are disrespectful (bordering on hostile) to Christians. I’m pleased about this experience now that I feel stronger for standing my ground. It was a win for me. It was another incidence of victory in Jesus while I ran on dangerous adrenaline. That might seem like nothing to some people. For me, it is danger – confrontation which I hate.

In my youth I made a decision to never be ashamed to name my Lord. I believe in Church, even more so after suffering abuse in the churches. However, one does not necessarily need to be a Christian to believe in/appreciate Church. This is what some of my comments were about. It is all about freedom.

My Lord is Jesus Christ the Saviour. He is my Good Shepherd. All my trust is in Jesus. For me, that means freedom in Christ.

I will hold true to my stated decision not to continue blogging with Your NZ if insults are thrown at my person hood again.

Thank you Peter George. I believe the Good Shepherd led me to you. The adrenalin of deep out-coming trauma since PN’s letter has sent me in several interesting uneasy directions which I would have never before considered.

~~~~~~~

NORMALITY
I never imagined I would break down in the dentist’s chair, several times. My dentist seems to think that listening is as useful as looking at my teeth. He has comforting brotherly A+ hugs. He is a masculine gem and his assistants are just as kind hearted.

Supermarkets are difficult and that’s an understatement. I will never forget the time I was stuck at the checkout. Somebody else’s kind husband/father/ brother, noticed my silent distress. I don’t remember how he did it, but I do remember walking out with him and loading up my groceries with his help. That was my sweet supermarket experience. Most of the times I stood stuck (“that letter, those words, his letter, his WORDS, DAD’s words”) staring at a shelf, pretending to be looking for items. The pain of PN’s letter never eased.

When I received the trespass notice I nearly laughed, until I read the accompanying letter. More vitriol. ‘They’ told me that I would destroy my family if I continued to –(continued to do what? I don’t think even the letter writer knew that detail.) And my husband and children were allowed to worship at church, if they refrained from speaking.

The malice – the cruelty toward a thinking person longing for community! The pain would not budge. Lumps in my innards. Loving so much that I dared to risk hating them. My hatred only humoured them. Not even my hatred, after a life time of trusting them, budged them! I dared to hate God once, recently. No big deal, although I don’t recommend it because it’s silly. And yet? Perhaps He listened to that. Maybe that’s why I discovered a way to reach closure by writing this guest post.

I have not mentioned my birth family’s behaviour. Nobody likes to break rank with their birth family do they? My conscience is clear (almost). I think that they broke rank with me.

Since my uncle’s attack I felt like death warmed up. He was a funeral director. I could not get out of my own way. I did not feel normal. I experienced approx four to five times each year feeling normal. It happens at unexpected times, always when I am alone. Something ‘shifts’ and I feel normal. I try to hold onto it but it is brief and fleeting. It slips away and I forget until the next time.

Friendships. Since fighting PN’s letter, they’re either all gone or uncomfortably changed. But with dentist (and optometrist) experiences under my belt, I reckon I can start again on extra friendships. My husband is my best friend, and my children are the best people in the world.

My marriage? That’s taboo. We are both very private. I never imagined in a million years I would fight against PCANZ. I detest the anxiety of confrontation and my husband avoids confrontation.

Indoctrination – there remains the thought that I am healing because of the prayers of PCANZ individuals. (I believe that prayer is the most powerful force of all.) Yes, some of them may pray, but I choose to be free from their indoctrination. I think that their prayers, if devoid of action for getting me back into fellowship with them, are not prayers that reach God. I have reason to believe that a Baptist pastor prays for my family. This man used to be a PCANZ minister (until they hurt him). There are others praying. Of course.

In September 2018, I destroyed my infant baptism certificate. This was another part of taking action against PCANZ’s grip on my psyche. It was a pretty certificate, with pictures of NZ flora and beautiful words. It was the only certificate I ever cherished.

HOPE

I love the PCANZ. They did massive wrecking, but I would go back into fellowship with them in a heartbeat, if only they wanted me. But they don’t want me. They want PN and his ilk.

CHURCH

I realise that some, perhaps many, may wonder what is so sad about being discarded from Christian fellowship. If you don’t understand, then I can’t explain it because I think my explanations about this are not appropriate for Your NZ. Suffice to say, Church is not a club. I can only suggest that if any wish to understand why I was traumatised by being put out of fellowship, the answers are in the Bible if you read it with humility and ask God to teach you. Many variety of links are acceptable on Your NZ. The Bible is widely read, and deeply cherished by persecuted Christians living in oppressive circumstances. I think the Bible is the most valuable link. It doesn’t concern me if others don’t understand why I have experienced trauma from abuse in the churches. I think it would be great if others felt free to share their experiences of abuse and harassment if, like me, this would aid their ability to ‘move on.’

For anyone who understands implicitly the experience of being stuck, of not being able to function free from blurriness…. there are many ways to describe it. I think the best description is ‘mind twisting oppression’ — You are OK. You are sovereign. That’s because you are made in God’s image.

If you are one for whom God/Jesus Christ has no place in your reckoning – lucky you! Even so, I strongly suspect that most NZers understand that it is in our best interests for our nation to remain a Christian society.

Let’s all cherish our freedom of speech. It is the way of the future for us all.

~~~~~~~

Please feel free to ask me whatever you want. Speaking my mind is wonderful. For those who have never experienced a long term inability to grasp hold of freedom of speech, I ask you to just be kind. I have reason to believe that this is the expectation of Your NZ’s Peter George.

Strong folks – you never know when the weak within the group might bless you, but you can trust.
Weak folks – you never know how your vulnerability is helping strong folk, but you can trust. Meanwhile, you can choose to lose as much pride and self righteousness as you perceive the strong could lose.

Trust is healthy.

Kind regards

Mother
(I would love to give my name for the sake of integrity, but ‘Mother’ is best because of PCANZ, and probably will remain so).

Leave a comment

6 Comments

  1. Alan Wilkinson

     /  December 2, 2018

    It’s hard for me to relate to your attachment to an institution I rejected at age 12 as I just detailed in your first post comments.

    Perhaps I can just repeat my philosophy I have stated previously here: The world is full of idiots. Stay away from them. Find good people and work and live with them. Luckily there are lots of good people too. Be kind and trustworthy and expect that from those you choose to live amongst.

    As to the past, it is also your choice as to what to do with it. My choice is to accept and forget the bad and remember the good that contributes to our future happiness and welfare.

    Reply
    • Kitty Catkin

       /  December 2, 2018

      Take a photo, if you have one, and talk to it as if it was the person. Let it all out.

      Don’t let them ruin your life, it’s easy to say, I know.

      Reply
  2. lurcher1948

     /  December 2, 2018

    This is a bit heavy on a Sunday which is only another day of the week so I will pass

    Reply
  3. adamsmith1922

     /  December 2, 2018

    Incomprehensible

    Reply
  4. lurcher1948

     /  December 2, 2018

    Guest Post to PG, both my parents died in a year when i was 22…it was hard living and burying two parents on my own,Dad with help from the RSA and Buffalo lodge.Mum i helped dad,,Sisters overseas and i had to get on with life…so i will not write a long post
    Cancer(Mum)and heart attack(Dad)capstan cork cigarettes i spit on you

    Reply
  5. Mother

     /  December 3, 2018

    ‘incomprehensible’ is exactly right. It is incomprehensible that a Christian fellowship puts out anybody in NZ. This spells ‘danger’. As far as I am aware I’m one of the first to highlight this growing problem within PCANZ. Agitation is disappointing. Everybody has difficulties in life as we all know. PG knew that I had been stripped of speaking rights and he kept to the ethos of Your NZ. Give it time. To my mind, it is incredibly ironic that a political site has righted a wrong by Christians who should know better than to practise biased politics. PG upheld freedom of speech in his own way and according to his means.

    Reply

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