Santa’s a crock

Young children often don’t take to Santa straight away, particularly between the ages of about 1 and 2. Some are frightened by the dressed up dude, some just don’t want anything to do with an odd looking stranger.

When they get older they at least tolerate the Santa act, once the have worked out it is linked to getting presents. Then Santa could be a reindeer with a funny hat for all they care, as long as they get their present.

Here’s one wee girl who…

“…was so determined, she closed her eyes until she could turn herself away completely then refused to look in his direction.”

But even though Santa is a crock to her, the wee lassie did have some Christmas  joy.

Crocs are normal in northern Australia, but not so overdressed people who aren’t wearing thongs. Perhaps that’s why Santa looks so uncomfortable.

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70 Comments

  1. robertguyton

     /  December 3, 2018

    Reply
    • That one looks a lot better than the understuffed dude in red.

      Reply
      • Kitty Catkin

         /  December 3, 2018

        Who opened the oak tree and let Merlin out? I must say that the centuries have done little for the poor old bloke.

        Reply
        • robertguyton

           /  December 3, 2018

          Merlin lived his life backwards in time, starting as an old man and moving forward in time towards his birth. Perhaps this explains a few things…

          Reply
          • Kitty Catkin

             /  December 3, 2018

            Really ? He mustn’t have got very far, he was, old when Vivian/Nimue trapped him in the tree after he fell in love with her.

            Reply
            • robertguyton

               /  December 3, 2018

              There are many Merlins. My source was T.H.White. His writing is magical.

            • Kitty Catkin

               /  December 4, 2018

              I have the TH Whites, but I was thinking of Mallory and of Tennyson’s Idylls of the King. Magic both. I loved Tennyson’s The Lady of Shalott before I could read all the words in it.

              The wonder of seeing the painting in the Tate was indescribable; I had no idea that it was life-sized.

            • robertguyton

               /  December 4, 2018

              Mallory? Tennyson?
              I prefer Gezza’s fart jokes – classics!

            • Kitty Catkin

               /  December 4, 2018

              I take it that you are unfamiliar with both.

            • robertguyton

               /  December 4, 2018

              I read Edmund Spencer’s “The Faerie Queene” in its entirety when I was 16. But that was nothing beside Gezza’s fart jokes (and your own clever tautoko for his brilliance!)

            • Kitty Catkin

               /  December 4, 2018

              Did Spencer send you a copy?

            • robertguyton

               /  December 4, 2018

              He sent it to Shakespeare to forward on to me at the time Will was sending you your autographed “Complete Works Of”.
              I was foolish, I see now, to mention my interest in literature to you, Kitty. Rest assured, it won’t happen again.

            • Kitty Catkin

               /  December 4, 2018

              Not me, my ancestress with the same name. She was, er, a great friend of his.

    • Alan Wilkinson

       /  December 3, 2018

      You are much better without words, Robert. Almost benign though I’m not too sure about that facial expression under the moustache. Might be incanting something unfriendly.

      Reply
      • robertguyton

         /  December 3, 2018

        You regularly misread my jollity, Alan, as do several others here. Can’t be helped.

        Reply
        • Gezza

           /  December 3, 2018

          Misread jollity by nearly everyone indicates tone tone deafness to one’s total lack of comedic ability.

          Have you done any standup comedy work for any audience outside a kindergarten or a Greens gathering lovefest?

          Reply
          • I have other audience who say differently, but no matter, Gezza, the customer is always right! I should ply my goods elsewhere, perhaps, but you’d all be the poorer for it #teasing/wry humour/not expecting you to crack a smile, well, ever really.

            Reply
            • Gezza

               /  December 3, 2018

              I mentioned those other audiences. Family doesn’t count because they may have inherited an oddity or two.

            • Gezza

               /  December 3, 2018

              But just to be clear – you are saying there are sad folk who roll about the floor at classic Guyton witticisms such as “Pffftt!”

              Is that correct? :/

            • robertguyton

               /  December 3, 2018

              All of your “re-interpretations” of what I’ve said are incorrect, Gezza, you know that.

            • Gezza

               /  December 3, 2018

              I didn’t reinterpret you I quoted you. As usual your response is more crap.l

          • Kitty Catkin

             /  December 4, 2018

            I hope that there are plenty of aisles to roll in and thighs to slap when Robert says ‘Pffffffffffft !’

            Reply
            • Gezza

               /  December 4, 2018

              Shouldn’t think robert knows too many slappers.

            • Kitty Catkin

               /  December 4, 2018

              I meant people slapping their own thighs, as you well knew.

              Let’s hope that there is a good supply of thread for the poor people who split their sides laughing at ‘Pffffffffft !’ and those who laugh their heads off and have to have them reattached.

            • robertguyton

               /  December 4, 2018

              Pfffffffttt!

            • Kitty Catkin

               /  December 4, 2018

              Hand me a needle and thread, I’ve split my sides laughing.

            • Gezza

               /  December 4, 2018

              That last one might just have been a fart, Kitty.

            • Kitty Catkin

               /  December 4, 2018

              Perhaps someone put a whoopee cushion under his chair cushion 😀

            • Gezza

               /  December 4, 2018

              Nope. Looking back up and at other times he’s produced little or nothing but these emissions, I can see now that they ARE farts. Brain farts, I expect.

            • Kitty Catkin

               /  December 4, 2018

              On second thoughts…. 😀

            • robertguyton

               /  December 4, 2018

              Yep. Those fart jokes are the most mature!
              Gezza – setting The Standard on YourNZ.

  2. lurcher1948

     /  December 3, 2018

    PG leave GLOOMY Dunedin for a week or two and enjoy being above ground, you are becoming depressing…but i could be wrong

    Reply
  3. Mother

     /  December 3, 2018

    I believed in Santa because it pleased my parents. They were excited about him. I would not let myself question why Santa’s writing looked like Mum’s, nor why our Santa liked cherries but my friend’s Santa liked beer. Happy Christmas season Your NZ folk. Thank you for reinstating my freedom of speech.

    Reply
    • MaureenW

       /  December 3, 2018

      Really happy for you (about the freedom of speech). Is there a tambourine solo to go with that?

      Reply
      • Alan Wilkinson

         /  December 3, 2018

        Cut her a break, Maureen. A bit of Christmas spirit and tolerance does wonders for everyone’s health.

        Reply
        • MaureenW

           /  December 3, 2018

          I like the tambourine Alan, particularly on its own. Actually, I find it hard to choose between the drum solo and the tambourine solo. What is your favourite?

          Reply
          • Alan Wilkinson

             /  December 3, 2018

            Kind of partial to the human voice, Maureen, preferably in harmony. Afternoon delight?

            Reply
        • robertguyton

           /  December 3, 2018

          “A bit of Christmas spirit and tolerance does wonders for everyone’s health.”
          May I quote you, Alan? When necessary 🙂

          Reply
          • Alan Wilkinson

             /  December 3, 2018

            You know I never mind being quoted accurately and in context, Robert. Even better if you take my words to heart.

            Reply
      • Blazer

         /  December 4, 2018

        you’ll love this…

        Reply
        • Gezza

           /  December 4, 2018

          I do. That song is brilliant. To me its contstruction always seemed musically ahead of its time somehow.

          Reply
          • Kitty Catkin

             /  December 4, 2018

            It’s a gem. Take me back to those days.

            I believed in Father Christmas until I outgrew him, but didn’t spoil it for my brother. He liked mince pies at our place, or sometimes Christmas cake, and there were always crumbs on the plate to prove that the offering had been eaten.

            One person I know spoiled it for himself when he accidentally saw the presents in a cupboard when he was looking for something else.

            Reply
          • Kitty Catkin

             /  December 4, 2018

            To me, it is OF its time, it’s almost unbearable to listen to because it makes me want to go back to those days in a time machine….

            Reply
  4. Gezza

     /  December 3, 2018

    1ewes at 6 featured the Nelson shambles where a Maori warrior replaced Santa. It caused such a storm of outrage and derision across all media the council has apologised.

    The Pakeha doofus who organised it also “apologised”, on telly, by attempting to justify it anyway. He wanted to make it multi-cultural and insulted people of European origin and culture who were hacked off they brought their children down to see Santa and got who the fuck knows what.

    What a dick he was. Maori embraced Christianity. There is no Maui Santa. Santa is a European old white dude. How many folk watching that shambles were suddenly pissed off with “Maori” who have been perfectly happy to celebrate Matariki (I am) and would have been more than happy to see a Maori male on the float (and a rep from any other ethnic group settled here who wanted to participate) represented WITH Santa instead of AS NON-SANTA.

    Reply
    • sorethumb

       /  December 4, 2018

      Nelson Christmas Parade organiser says non-traditional Māori Santa was a shock to him, too
      https://www.tvnz.co.nz/one-news/new-zealand/nelson-christmas-parade-organiser-says-non-traditional-m-ori-santa-shock-him-too

      Children were left confused and upset by Nelson’s multicultural Santa, Hana Kōkō, parade attendees said.

      Mitre 10 Mega marketing co-ordinator Murray Leaning, who was the parade MC, said he had no idea about the Santa switch until he saw the float himself on the day.

      “It was unreal,” he said.

      “The kids were just confused, their little faces were just crumpling, there were kids crying, kids pointing and talking to their parents.”
      …………………………

      The Santa switch didn’t fall flat for everyone, however. Nelson local and social work student Nicola Moke said the the Hana Kōkō interpretation was “a beautiful expression of the New Zealand culture”.

      “They positively intertwined a western view with our Māori culture. Santa is traditionally based from Saint Nicholas and the main outfit he wore was a red robe. The incorporation of the red Māori traditional Korowai has an uncanny resemblance to Saint Nicholas’ robe,” she said.

      “What wasn’t done well was the communication.”
      She said if there had been forewarning that Hana Kōkō would be stepping in for Santa Claus, there might have been more positivity. She said she was “very disheartened” by some of the comments included in the backlash, and thought better communication could have avoided some of it.

      “Comments like ‘of course Santa is Māori that’s why he breaks into houses’ and ‘my kids were scared because Santa was brown’ further feeds the negative stereotype Māori have been given by the dominant discourse,” she said.

      “Moreover, many positive comments and people who messaged me saying that their child had an absolute blast seeing Hana Kōkō were drowned out by the negative response from some in the community … people need to understand that those comments can promote stereotypes and discrimination.”

      She said based on community reaction, the idea of Hana Kōkō and Father Christmas sharing a float would probably work better for future parades.
      https://www.stuff.co.nz/nelson-mail/news/109037741/hana-kk-might-have-worked-with-a-bit-more-warning
      https://www.stuff.co.nz/nelson-mail/news/104604508/nelson-pride-group-helps-rainbow-community-shine-plans-public-event

      Reply
      • sorethumb

         /  December 4, 2018

        Personally I don’t see any connection with Maori (tribal society) and whatever St Nicholas society was. I imagine that in the sort of St Nicholas society people were spread out (engaging in agriculture). As an economy becomes more efficient up goes the population and as it industrialises you have a division of labour (families in houses).

        Reply
        • sorethumb

           /  December 4, 2018

          I.e there were no poor in Maori society/ tribal society that is not to say that made them superior they just couldn’t produce as much and support such large populations. They were kin societies or adopted kin societies. Today we rely on trade between members of wider society ($100 for my set of encyclopedias)

          Reply
    • sorethumb

       /  December 4, 2018

      When “Maori” do this and that we only have one label. You have cultural fundamentalists and those who use the term “mana whenua” implying territorial ownership and exclusivity and those who talk “indigeneity” in the either/or sence of or foreigner. But many Maori must also wish we could just be New Zealanders. there are working class Maori and working class New Zealanders who pretty much fit in with each other. Biculturalism is like two producers making a different movie in the same location at the same time.

      Reply
    • sorethumb

       /  December 4, 2018

      Another attempt at decolonisation that shows why it wont work because it does nothing but score political points for protagonists. Another example is the new $92m brown box in Christchurch called “Turanga”. Covered in Maori artwork with te reo dominant to English. Chch was essentially an English city famous for it’s garden culture and rural hinterland. Turanga could have been modelled on a PGG woolstore artwork could have included gardens and daffodils. Do New Zealanders want to listen to NZ music “So go on again Waitaki on your journey to the sea…”?; do Maori want to see archaic artwork everywhere? Some yes (a Koru on Air NZ) but Christchurch’s culture is as much the Rapaki Maori’s as anyone’s.

      Reply
      • Kitty Catkin

         /  December 4, 2018

        I wonder how many people did say those things about the brown Santa; they sound rather contrived.

        Why not have him in Santa clothes AND the red cloak (made from red feather dusters, I bet) and the other things around the sleigh ? I can’t see why there can’t be both, but Santa MUST at least have the white beard and hair.

        They made it neither one thing nor the other, and probably pleased very few. Santa parades are not the place for PC point scoring.

        Reply
        • Kitty Catkin

           /  December 4, 2018

          St Nicholas is known for having provided dowries for sisters who didn’t have them. There were cities then,of course, but I forget which one this happened in.

          Having him looking totally unlike the traditional one must have made it look as if someone had taken the place of the real one at the last minute because the real one couldn’t come for some reason and they couldn’t find a costume.

          Reply
  5. Blazer

     /  December 4, 2018

    Xmas spirit…

    Reply
    • sorethumb

       /  December 4, 2018

      Not funny. It reminds me of men who pee beside the road making no attempt to conceal themselves.

      Reply
      • Gezza

         /  December 4, 2018

        He’s fond of smutty humour.

        Reply
        • Gezza

           /  December 4, 2018

          Most of us outgrew it after leaving school.

          Reply
          • Blazer

             /  December 4, 2018

            sure ‘most’…did.

            Reply
            • Gezza

               /  December 4, 2018

              Any thoughts on why you’re an outlier? 😳

            • Blazer

               /  December 4, 2018

              I don’t believe I’m an ‘outlier’ at all.
              Presbyterian prudes are the minority in…reality.

            • Gezza

               /  December 4, 2018

              I don’t believe I’m an ‘outlier’ at all.

              That’ll be why. Do you work with a lot of boy apprentices?

            • Blazer

               /  December 4, 2018

              no I don’t…I work with adults.
              Your interactions with wildlife have skewered your outlook on human behaviour.

            • Gezza

               /  December 4, 2018

              No it hasn’t. I think it’s strange you haven’t moved beyond cock and balls pics. My changing circles of male acquaintances over the years, and now, includes two who were still smutboys in adulthood. They tended to be not very successful with women.

            • Gezza

               /  December 4, 2018

              But, whatever, Blazer. You just carry on as abnormal.

            • Blazer

               /  December 4, 2018

              I think you are over reacting…none of the pics are my own work….they are on public display.
              Your amateur psychiatry deserves a better subject than moi….do you have a …mirror?

            • Gezza

               /  December 4, 2018

              Your amateur psychiatry deserves a better subject than moi
              It’s more amateur psychology, really, and there is no better subject here for indulging in than you at the moment – apart from Mother.

              ….do you have a …mirror?
              Yes thanks. Several.

            • Kitty Catkin

               /  December 4, 2018

              I hope that nobody paid the lights shaped like a phallus made by phalli impudici the compliment of appearing to have noticed it and making a complaint. I bet it’s a university hall of residence.

  6. Blazer

     /  December 4, 2018

    another in the blue vein of ‘Santas a ..cock’..

    Reply
    • Kitty Catkin

       /  December 4, 2018

      If I was a man and my dangly bits looked like that, I’d be making an appointment with a doctor in the hope of having something done about them.If they had ferns growing from them, I’d be really worried.

      Reply
  7. sorethumb

     /  December 4, 2018

    Meanwhile (over at the Standard) people who object to a Maori Warrior/ Samurai/ Sammy the Seal Father Christmas are such snowflakes. After all it isn’t as though it’s a walking track up the side of a hill that resembles the Virgin Mary/Chiefee-poo)
    https://thestandard.org.nz/were-dreaming-of-a-white-christmas/

    Reply
    • Kitty Catkin

       /  December 4, 2018

      The S are missing the point. Santa Claus without the beard and red suit is just not Santa Claus, any more than Snow White without the black hair and trad outfit would be Snow White.

      Reply

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