Reactions to Kirsty Johnston’s “I’m angry about Grace Millane’s murder after a year reporting on rape”

Kiwiana: “Thank you for this powerful piece, it exactly summed up how I’ve been feeling this year especially.”

Damian Light: “Thank you for your words and your courage. I’m sorry you’ve been at the receiving end of appalling attitudes, it shows we have more work to do. Kia kaha”

Peter Aranyi: “Good on you Kirsty. Bloody terrible.”

Richard Hills: “Thank you for writing this. The stories I’ve heard and know from women I know and women I knew who are no longer with us make me feel helpless and distressed for our community. I can’t imagine how they feel or how you feel about what you’ve heard and they’ve experienced.”

Alan Perrott: “Well done, I hope it’s widely read.”

‘pretty snide for aa white guy’: “Kirsty, thank you. I do get it, I think. Certainly I get it more after reading this. I am sorry that this is where we are at. And I want it to be better. I will be better.”

@kmccready: “The women in my life have said exactly the same. Some manage somehow, I don’t know how, to blot it out.”

Steve_Hale: “Thank you for writing this. Every single day I think about my 12 year old daughters safety and that extends to the safety of her friends. I believe that fathers who love their daughters care deeply about the safety of young women. Becoming a father certainly changed my outlook.”

Alisa Smith: “Maybe if people like you keep writing articles like this, and people keep sharing and discussing them, one day women and young ladies will be able to go into the world unafraid. Maybe.”

Leave a comment

19 Comments

  1. david in aus

     /  14th December 2018

    Reading the coverage of this young girl’s tragic death. One gets the impression the most valuable members of society are young pretty white girls. Their deaths receive disproportionate coverage and even an apology from the Prime Minister. Talk about over-the-top.

    I take no collective responsibility for people I have never met, even if they are of the same sex. Responsibility should be taken by those who had the opportunity to change the offender’s behaviour. Most of the responsibility should be taken by the offender themselves.

    Reply
    • High Flying Duck

       /  14th December 2018

      The article above was on the Millane murder being the culmination of a year spent writing about rape and abuse of women. From what she wrote, this was not by design, but the stories kept coming.
      It is a genuine issue and should be being brought into the light more and more, albeit without the broad brush “men need to sort this out” rhetoric that turns many off.
      It is a fraught issue as consent is not black and white – there is much nuance in romance and even in “hooking up”. There is also a great deal of difficulty in proving ill intent.
      I’m sure issues go both ways, but the physicality of men over women makes the consequences that much worse and is what leads to the culture of fear many women live with.Men are able to extract themselves from situations they are uncomfortable with. Women do not have this luxury.
      I’d say ignore the broad brush and the feminist militants using this issue to push radical agendas and pay attention to people like Kirsty Johnston (other than when she writes on education…) who are identifying the real world issues in the hope that some kind of change can be made.

      Reply
    • Missy

       /  14th December 2018

      “I take no collective responsibility for people I have never met, even if they are of the same sex.”

      By taking no collective responsibility you allow situations to happen that put women in danger.

      Men who take no responsibility and become observers to incidents because they haven’t met the men commiting the assault, harassment, or abuse enable those that treat women with disrespect, and assault, harass and abuse them. It is this attitude that makes the small number of men who do commit these acts think that all men are the same as them.

      Reply
      • david in aus

         /  14th December 2018

        You should take responsibility for matters that you have influence or control. Like one’s owns actions and how you bring up your children.

        Responsibility is something we seriously lack in this country, but it should not be misplaced
        When some little miscreant does bad, where are the family? Responsibility for it to be effective must be placed on the individual and those around them. Responsibility based on Gender goes nowhere is just an opportunity for some to vent.

        Reply
      • david in aus

         /  14th December 2018

        How does collective responsibility as a gender help? How does that change behaviours? I do not know anyone that encourages murder and violence against men, women and children.
        If you know someone like that, you should speak up.

        The most important people in a person’s life are in descending order: Mother/Father/Other Family/Friends/Community/Society. Those closest to people should take the most responsibility. If there is no mother/father- they have abdicated their responsibility.

        For example, the accused is supposedly from a broken family. Are the parents to blame for placing their happiness ahead of their children’s? Are we as a society to blame for making two parent families disposable by weakening the institution of marriage?

        More importantly those that murder are very bad people. Full Stop. Sometimes even with the best of environments there will be rotten eggs. .

        Reply
        • Kitty Catkin

           /  14th December 2018

          I fail to see what anyone could have done to stop the Grace Millane tragedy,except have a curfew on the backpacker’s hostel, and I am angry that so many people are cashing in on it and using it to promote their own anti-men views.

          Collective responsibilty is absurd. I can’t see how I can be held responsible for the recent(ish) murder of a young man from India by his Kiwi partner. I didn’t look the other way because I didn’t know them. Yet as we are both women, the argument applied to men could equally be applied to women.

          Refusing to take responsibilty for someone else’s crime is nothing like being an observer. That is a gross insult.

          Reply
          • Kitty Catkin

             /  14th December 2018

            Collective responsibilty goes both ways, PDTs, unless you imagine that women are like children or idiots, which is the impression one gets from some people.I prefer to think that women are responsible adults for the most part. Anything else infantilises and insults women.

            Reply
  2. I find it disgusting that certain individuals choose to use this tragic death of this lively young woman to promote their own agenda. Yesterday after reading the Herald article I emailed Kirsty Johnson. I doubt if she will respond to me or on this blog.

    So far none of the man-hating lesbians that get a regular opinion piece in the Herald have had a word to say about the cover-up of the abuse at the Labour Youth Camp.

    This man bashing does not just affect men but children, women, families and society. Many men will not go into teaching because of the fear of false accusation.

    Reply
    • Blazer

       /  14th December 2018

      ‘none of the man-hating lesbians that get a regular opinion piece ‘….who are they Chuck?

      You belong in the 1940’s.

      Reply
      • Chuck Bird

         /  14th December 2018

        Catriona MacLennan is one of the worse.

        Reply
        • Chuck Bird

           /  14th December 2018

          And what do you think of Denise Ritchie who called for Fathers Day to be a day of shame for fathers do to the high rate of sexual abuse of children. BTW are you a man or a woman?

          Reply
          • Blazer

             /  14th December 2018

            some people have extreme views.
            We live in a democratic society where they can express those views.
            Can you imagine a world where everyone agreed with your views….no one would want to..live in..it.

            Reply
            • Kitty Catkin

               /  14th December 2018

              In fact, fathers are the least likely to commit sexual abuse. Stepfathers are far more likely to do this, and brother/sister incest is the most common, or so I have read.

            • Kitty Catkin

               /  14th December 2018

              It’s true, PDT. Look it up.

  3. Alan Wilkinson

     /  14th December 2018

    We employ an army of bureaucrats to stop these things happening, to deal with them when they do and to look for improvements in prevention strategies. There is no magic wand to wave at them to prevent them. It is self-indulgent to rant as though there is and fatuous to pretend most men have a solution they are not exercising.

    Reply
    • Kitty Catkin

       /  14th December 2018

      What could you do to stop someone meeting a stranger and spending the night with them ?

      Nothing. For most people it is safe, but every so often it isn’t.

      Reply
  4. David in Aus

     /  14th December 2018

    I have changed my mind. I am going to take responsibility but not as a man but as a Human Being. David Cunliffe has said Sorry-for-Being-a-Man, so that has been taken. I am Sorry-for-Being-a-Human.

    Sisters please, someone take responsibility for the sins of Women, Step up. But it is okay if you don’t, because I apologised on behalf of Humanity (including women).

    Tomorrow will be a better place. I can feel the change coming through society.

    Your welcome.

    Reply
    • Mother

       /  14th December 2018

      I am saddened that the murder of this young woman is politicised.
      What would happen if we all ignored the media attention on this situation and each spent time taking action in some way to show others, whom we personally know have suffered injustice, that we do not tolerate crime?

      Reply
      • Alan Wilkinson

         /  14th December 2018

        To be fair, I think the media have mostly handled it well. Political axe-grinders have tried to game the public emotions for their own purposes.

        Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s