More background on man found guilty of murdering Grace Millane

Since the trial is over after a jury verdict of guilty of the murder of Grace Millane media are revealing more of the narcissist responsible.

Stuff – Grace Millane trial: What the jury didn’t hear

The man who murdered Grace Millane could not handle being rejected by women.

The 27-year-old man with name suppression was found guilty on Friday, following a three week trial at the High Court at Auckland.

While the jurors heard from four of his previous dates, the police spoke to other young women who did not end up giving evidence at trial.

Many of those young women spoke of a man who had an interest in violent sex and a tendency to “switch” when his sexual advances were turned down.

Stuff can now report the evidence for the first time, following the man’s conviction.

The Crown sought to have the 10 women and one man give evidence, arguing it showed the man had a pattern of behaviour over the two and-a-half year period before he killed Grace.

The man’s defence lawyers argued the jurors would use the witness evidence to “backfill” their knowledge on what happened to Grace inside the apartment.

Following legal argument initially in the High Court and then the Court of Appeal, many of the witnesses were not included.

In a pre-trial ruling in August, Justice Simon Moore ruled evidence from nine of the 11 witnesses was relevant.

“What emerges from many of the women’s accounts is the independent portrayal of [the man] as unusually needy, demanding and insecure,” Justice Moore said.

Despite having met some of the women only a handful of times, the killer expected “emotional support and nourishment”.

“He is possessive and overbearing towards women he barely knows… When the recipients display understandable discomfort, even shock, at what is frankly bizarre, clumsy and narcissistic conduct or otherwise try to distance themselves from him, [the man] reacts in anger and professes betrayal.”

The article has more details.

There was enough evidence able to be put in front of the jury to convince them beyond reasonable doubt that not only did his story not stack up, the man had a dangerous personality.

Unfortunately there are a number of men in our society who abuse power in relationships, who use emotional blackmail, and who react very badly to rejection.

Yeah there could be women who are a bit like this too, but males are all too often the ones who resort to violence and in cases like this, lethal violence.

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28 Comments

  1. Kitty Catkin

     /  24th November 2019

    He sounds like a woman who married a late friend, apart from the violent sex.

    She was controlling and overbearing and my gut feeling was that she was violent. She was all ‘dear man’ and hand-holding until the ring was on, then there was no need to be. She was a compulsive liar, and as happens with many constant liars, often didn’t remember which lies she’d told before so told different ones next time and reacted with fury when these were questioned and/or disproved.

    Her husband went to a similar sort of school in the UK to the one my mother did, and at more or less the same time. One night he and I were talking about these schools (his was Sherborne, one of the good public schools; my mother’s was the Ulster equivalent) and I told some stories about my mother’s schooldays. The next time I met (her), she told me these stories as if they were her own. She must have forgotten that I’d told them to her in the first place.

    Plenty of women are narcissistic and controlling, it’s not a male prerogative. This woman was, I am certain, a sociopath. Her actions ranged from petty spite to things far worse.

    Reply
  2. Alan Wilkinson

     /  24th November 2019

    There was an article on the Telegraph recently apparently about a woman who had told her husband she had a brief affair 15 years ago before they had children and he couldn’t handle that. What amazed me was that the comments (mostly men) divided between those who said he should leave her and those who said she should never have told him.

    I knew the world if full of idiots but I never realised there are so many insecure, immature men in it and women mothering these emotional infants.

    Reply
  3. Pink David

     /  24th November 2019

    “Unfortunately there are a number of men in our society who abuse power in relationships, who use emotional blackmail, and who react very badly to rejection.”

    This is never true of women of course.

    Reply
    • Kitty Catkin

       /  24th November 2019

      Never. Oh, wait….

      In the case I mentioned, it emerged when he was in hospital that she made him go outside in all weathers to pee…He was in the hospital attached to the local retirement village/rest home when this and other things came out, and he never went back to their house. This, I suspect , was only one of many indignities that T put up with because he was too proud to admit that he’d made a huge mistake. Occasionally he’d let something slip, like when she came to collect him from our house and obviously deliberately parked on the slope where it was most difficult to get to the car and get into it. A petty but revealing example. She made it obvious that visitors to the house were unwelcome and people stopped going there after a while.

      The abuse was social, mental, financial and (I am certain) physical.

      Reply
      • Kitty Catkin

         /  24th November 2019

        Grow up, PDTs. Downticking everything that someone says is pathetically childish.

        Reply
        • Kitty Catkin

           /  24th November 2019

          As the three of you are demonstrating; have you nothing better to do ? Poor drones.

          Reply
    • Duker

       /  24th November 2019

      “This is never true of women of course.”
      Thats not the point, if men offended at the same rate as women, we wouldnt consider it a major problem.

      Reply
      • Kitty Catkin

         /  24th November 2019

        Women probably ‘offend’ in different ways.

        In the case I mentioned, pettily downticked by some spiteful prat, the woman got away with various kinds of abuse and ended up with the house and the bit of money that was left.

        Men are far less likely to report violence done by women, and studies indicate that there is as much violence done by women to men as there is by men to women. Greg Newbold said that a woman who has a black eye from a man is an object of sympathy, a man with a black eye from a woman is an object of mirth and there is probably a lot of truth in that. Not many men would want to admit to being hit by a woman, I suspect. Our friend didn’t. I guessed from other signs that it was happening, but had no proof. I did contact the elder abuse people.

        Reply
      • Pink David

         /  24th November 2019

        “Thats not the point, if men offended at the same rate as women, we wouldnt consider it a major problem.”

        Women commit domestic violence at a higher rate than men.

        Reply
        • Kitty Catkin

           /  24th November 2019

          I can believe it. My brother’s friend’s mother hit the children and her husband; he was a big man who could have done real damage had he retaliated, which he never did. People knew, but what could they do ? I have heard of other cases, but men are far less likely to report it.

          I heard of a New York policeman who had a violent wife (she hit him and their child; I seem to remember that she late beat the child so badly that it died) and when the police force heard that he was in a violent relationship he was sacked because they had a zero tolerance for domestic violence policy. Too bad that HE was the victim !!!

          Reply
          • Pink David

             /  24th November 2019

            Much of the US run the Duluth Model. This automatically regards men as the perpetrators of all domestic abuse, regardless to any facts. Police will arrest the man in any domestic situation without any attempt to judge the situation.

            Reply
            • Kitty Catkin

               /  24th November 2019

              So it seemed, and that was why the men on the programme did nothing about it for so long. They were also afraid of leaving the children with a violent mother.

  4. Gezza

     /  24th November 2019

    This comes as no surprise & in fact I expected this kind of supressed evidence to be likely. There was an article yesterday in either Stuff or The Herald (maybe both) where exactly this behaviour was reported by his 3 female flatmates – one of whom he scared so much that when her other flatmate got home she got a text to come to her room & she was sleeping with a knife in her bed.

    He overheard them discussing that they needed to tell him he had to go (they thought he was out), came out & told them that his mum had died suddenly & that he had to go back to Oz, & moved all his stuff out the next day.

    But he later began texting one of them saying that he was going to ruin all their lives.

    I hope preventive detention is the sentence for this killer.

    Can’t help observing that another killer got reported as sentenced last night. He beat his young pregnant girlfriend to death in a vicious assault out of jealousy. Nothing on telly about that one though.

    Initially Poihipi lied about the attack, claiming it was someone else who bashed her, but came clean the next day.

    Crown Prosecutor Duncan McWilliam opened the case by saying Poihipi had become “overwhelmed with jealously” of Parakuka on the night of the murder and confronted her in the school ground of St Michael’s Catholic School. 

    “When asked how hard he punched her he said, ‘Probably my hardest’.”

    A pre-sentence report recorded Poihipi’s rationale for violence. “All I have seen is violence at home, dad beating mum up. “I thought that me hitting my partner would solve the problem, and we did fight and I did hit her, we would go to bed and wake up the next morning, she would stop saying bad things and the relationship would be good again.”

    Parakuka’s mother was also killed during a domestic violence attack.

    While the judge considered that Poihipi was genuinely remorseful for killing Parakuka, he was still at a high risk of offending.
    https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/117655795/rotorua-man-sentenced-to-life-in-prison-for-murdering-pregnant-girlfriend

    There’s that BIG ELEPHANT in the bloody room again.

    Reply
    • Kitty Catkin

       /  24th November 2019

      That is genuine domestic violence; I can’t see that the Grace Millane murder was, although the white ribbon brigade have hijacked it and made it so. By definition, domestic violence implies a relationship, not a one-night stand.

      Hideous that in this case, violence was what both parties saw as normal in a relationship.

      Reply
    • Duker

       /  24th November 2019

      Wont be preventative detention for this crime as he has next to no previous criminal history, and nothing ‘so far’ for sexual offending. Plenty of awful monsters convicted all the time for similar things to women, just this one had the trifecta of young white woman, Tinder and accusations of kinky sex. Being a brown girl with a thug boyfriend doesnt make headlines

      Reply
      • Kitty Catkin

         /  24th November 2019

        Or being any girl with a thug boyfriend and staying with him; she’s unlikely to get the same sympathy as a nice middle-class girl.

        The ‘evidence’ of the flatmates is hearsay and there’s probably no proof. He’d deny it, of course, and it’s not proof that he committed another crime. He was charged with the killing of Grace Millane, not with those other things.

        Reply
        • Blazer

           /  24th November 2019

          says someone who views an incarcerated thug as extremely desirable…KarL Sroubek…register!

          Reply
          • Kitty Catkin

             /  13th December 2019

            Well, as I didn’t mention Karl Sroubek and have never said that I thought he was extremely desirable, I am at a loss to see why you make that statement.

            Reply
            • Blazer

               /  13th December 2019

              bad memory …you and Maggie…believe the word you used was ‘dish’!

            • Kitty Catkin

               /  13th December 2019

              Even if we did say that, it would be referring to him being goodlooking and is hardly synonymous with ‘highly desirable’, either physically or in his character.

              You are reading far too much into a casual word which you have taken out of context. No one, surely. would imagine that dishy means highly desirable in any sense.

            • Blazer

               /  13th December 2019

              @KC ..so you do remember…’no one’ would think that means ..’highly desirable’…as for ‘we’…come in..Maggie with the Slav ..partner! Bol.

      • Gezza

         /  24th November 2019

        No they don’t make headlines & get shown on the telly as they come up. So of course they keep happening as women & girls hooking up with thugs seem to think this is normal & he’s all right, really, it’s probably my fault. On & on they go.

        Reply
        • Kitty Catkin

           /  24th November 2019

          I didn’t see the PM weeping and wailing that we as a country should have kept the Rotorua girl safe and apologising to the family because we didn’t.

          She was the same age as Grace Millane, had a child and was having another.

          Why does Jacinda weep for one victim and not another ?

          What did she think that anyone could have done in the Millane case ? Her own friend didn’t advise her to not go to this stranger’s hotel room for rough sex despite texts saying that this was going to happen.

          Reply
          • Duker

             /  24th November 2019

            They can only answer questions they are asked… watch in the next few days as the same questions are asked of Ardern again.

            Reply
            • Kitty Catkin

               /  24th November 2019

              If they are, she will sidestep them as usual,, I suspect.

              The PDTs don’t agree that it’s hideous that the two people in the Rotorua case were brought up to think that violence is normal, so one must conclude that they see nothing wrong with domestic violence as they downtick every remark about it being so. What a sick attitude to have, most people find violence abhorrent.

  5. Chantel fisher

     /  13th December 2019

    This sounds so much like my ex.

    Reply

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