RNZ’s “The Ten New Zealanders”

That may sort of depict how some New Zealanders are, but it comes nowhere near close to covering the range of personality types here. None of these come close to describing me, and I’m as much a New Zealander as anyone.

Tim Batt at Metro gives more detailed descriptions in Which of RNZ’s ‘Ten New Zealanders’ are you? (presumably from RNZ but that isn’t clear”:

Globalist: With your blue jeans, smart-causal blazer and salt-overtaking-pepper head, you’re not embarrassed to share that you’ve done pre-tty well in the property market. Your kids have finally left the nest and now you now find yourself between lagers wondering aloud if men really are copping it a bit unfairly in this #MeToo era.

Curious – Intellectual: Your kink is hearing the million-cig baritone of Kim Hill decimate a MP caught with their hand in the cookie jar, while you knit in a comfortable chair. You are single-handedly keeping Unity Books alive by buying presents for everyone around you, which serve more as decorations of your intellect than actual presents to be enjoyed by the receiver.

Curious – Grazer: You read the opening paragraph of a New York Times article about one of the 2020 Presidential candidates and now will speak over the top of any qualified voice to offer your (shit) take on what’s wrong with the American political system.

Company Seeker: A cheeky flash of colour on the scarf, a jaunty stance and an unbuttoned polar fleece vest – You absolute tease. You voted for Norman Kirk because of his jawline and now you’re looking for someone to take you to Rialto on the reg.

Tell-it-like-it-is Sports Fan: You have some very definite opinions on immigration.

Community Minded: An unfortunate by-product of using only unscented, eco-friendly soap and spending afternoons sifting through compost in the vege garden is that your hands smell like shit. You have taken one for the good of Planet Earth and we thank you for it, though will not be shaking your hand.

Relax and Unwind: You don’t mind a bit of Shorty. You don’t mind it one bit. Bloody hard worker. Love a Sav. Your weekends are absorbed entirely by getting Jackson, Noah and Ruby to games at the park in an SUV that rivals a Carls Jnr burger for absurd size and risk to your health.

Social Connector: You don’t know this but you have singlehandedly caused three non-fatal car accidents and a train derailment by mindlessly walking in front of vehicles while scrolling Instagram with AirPods in.

Go-getter: You are the most feared entity at a BBQ or house party. You ignore subtle social cues like it’s an Olympic event, have an Instagram account riddled with shirtless beach selfies and are (admittedly) doing pretty well at Vodafone. Everyone is sick of you bringing up Bitcoin.

Unengaged: Craft beer festival, you say? Let me just chuck in some beard oil, nab a hair-tie and I’ll meet you there.

Maybe I’m not in a target demographic for RNZ.

Leave a comment


  1. Kitty Catkin

     /  11th March 2020

    Most people aren’t, I imagine.

  2. Corky

     /  11th March 2020

    I think the clue is in the initials, RNZ. If you look at those depicted, most are scions of the middleclass. So that leaves me out of contention.

    That reminds me. What demarcates a middle class suburb from a low scio suburb? The berms are public footpaths adjoining a property mostly have their edges trimmed and manicured. I clicked onto this when I saw a council worker with a edge trimmer remove about a foot and a half of grass from a footpath in a poor area.

    • Alan Wilkinson

       /  11th March 2020

      I suspect the author(s) have never been outside Wellington and Auckland and don’t know anywhere else exists in this country.

      • Corky

         /  11th March 2020

        Yep, I can smell the lattes and cafe culture from here.

        • Duker

           /  11th March 2020

          It’s their marketing . Instead of the old fashioned letter codes they now have photos and potted bios.
          The underlying data would make more sense to you, instead of this technique

  3. Duker

     /  11th March 2020

    Here’s the Aussie version
    It’s important to note that very few people will be an exact match for one tribe. There aren’t only seven types of Australians! But by representing it this way, and showing you how much you agree with the different clusters, you should get a sense of where you fit in the wider population.

    I think that’s the point.
    The Aussie group -Prudent Traditionalist, would fit our national supporters here best, but they might have ‘hints’ of the other groups.

    • Blazer

       /  12th March 2020

      the aussie version is a more accurate one imo.
      The NZ 10 trys too hard.

  4. Duker

     /  12th March 2020

    It seems the metro story have ‘rewritten’ the RNZ characters by a comedian Tim Batt …its supposed to be a piss take.
    The original in house RNZ memo would have used conventional terms


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