“Trump’s inauguration was the biggest, I swear”

Media capitulation.

To: White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer

From: Rex Huppke, formerly dishonest member of the disgusting media

Subject: I agree with everything you say

First off, I would like to applaud your courage in standing up to my media colleagues over the weekend to state definitively that photographs showing sparse attendance at President Donald Trump‘s inauguration didn’t show sparse attendance at President Donald Trump’s inauguration.

Nearly every media outlet laughed at you on the fact-obsessed basis that you were lying through your teeth to protect a president whose ego is apparently too fragile to acknowledge weak turnout.

But I’m here to tell you, Mr. Spicer, that I believe you. And I’ll tell you why.

Your partner in truth-eradication, senior Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway, defended you Sunday by saying you were simply introducing “alternative facts.”

When “Meet the Press” anchor Chuck Todd had the temerity to tell Conway that alternative facts are “falsehoods,” she said: “I think we’re going to have to rethink our relationship here.”

I, for one, value my relationship with you and Ms. Conway and don’t want that relationship rethought. So, unlike the many dishonest slobs in my profession, I gladly embrace alternative facts in all their nebulous wonder.

That’s why, Mr. Spicer, I truly believe everything you said about the inauguration. Everything and more.

Ok, it’s an ‘alternative capitulation’.

In conclusion…

…Mr. Spicer, I congratulate you for standing up for alternative facts, and I want you to know that you can count on me to report exactly what you say, verbatim, without ever doubting a word for any reason.

I was moved by the billions who gathered on the National Mall on Inauguration Day. And by the unicorns. And the stately dragons. And the obvious hugeness of all aspects of President Trump.

And I’m here to tell the American people just what you want them to hear, so they too can believe in unicorns. And dragons. In free casino chips and summer days in winter and all other forms of make-believe.

Because, if I’m getting my alternative facts straight, that appears to be exactly what you and Ms. Conway have in mind.

From Column: Trump’s inauguration was the biggest, I swear

The time of their lives

The campaign for the US presidency should be a serious matter but this is probably what it deserves, replacing farce with fantasy.

Elderly Voter Never Thought She’d Get To See Female Presidential Nominee

From the US: Elderly Voter Never Thought She’d Get To See Female Presidential Nominee During Her Lifetime

Tearing up as she reflected on the significance of Hillary Clinton being named the presumptive Democratic candidate, 85-year-old voter Deborah Hanson told reporters Wednesday she never thought she’d get to see a female presidential nominee be called a heartless ice bitch during her lifetime.

“When I was growing up, things were so different—it just didn’t seem possible that I’d live to see the day when a woman would be selected to top a major political party’s ticket while incessantly being called a shrieking harpy,” said the retired schoolteacher.

“To be so close to seeing the first woman who’s alternately labeled both a lying whore and a psycho feminazi bimbo occupy this nation’s highest office, and to watch her make important decisions about this country’s future that would be relentlessly criticized as being the product of hysterical menopausal rages, would be nothing short of amazing.”

That website could bring tears to a few eyes.

Chemtrails protect against vaccines

From The Science Post: Chemtrails may protect against vaccine injuries, study finds

PROVIDENCE, RI – In a new study coming out of Brown University, researchers concluded that being sprayed with chemtrails actually has a positive effect when it comes to vaccine injuries.

“We sprayed chemtrails over 3 different cities in Rhode Island and then followed children in those cities for 4 years,” said Dr. Frank Defano. “We saw a strikingly lower rate of vaccine injuries in the children from the chemtrail laden cities than the normal population.”

While not all the data are available from the study just yet, it appears as though only 20% of the children who were severely sprayed with chemtrails ended up developing autism after their vaccines; a much lower rate than the 80% who normally get autism from vaccines.

“We are very excited about our findings and are hoping to present the data at several international conferences this summer,” said Dr. Defano. “We really need to push governments to increase their chemtrail use. You know, for the kids.”

“Chemtrails are poison and they are making millions of people sick!” said Nina Morocco, conspiracy theorist. “And vaccines are also toxic…and…well….they are both bad and we should stop both of them!”

Warning – if you’re a leftie you can’t take this seriously because David Farrar posted a link to it in Twitter, and he can’t be taken seriously on anything that could be perceived as a dirty sly attack on Colin Craig.

Expert too boring

From the US: Actual Expert Too Boring For TV

Sad but true.

SECAUCUS, NJ—Dr. Gary Canton, a professor of applied nuclear physics and energy-development technologies at MIT and a leading expert in American nuclear-power applications, was rejected by MSNBC producers for being “too boring for TV” Monday.

“We could deal with Dr. Canton being so short,” said Cal Salters, a segment producer at MSNBC. “And we could’ve made him up so he didn’t look like he spends all day in front of a computer. We even considered cutting away to stock footage so our audience didn’t have to look at him for too long. But when it turned out that listening to him is about as interesting as picking the lint off his lapels—well, there was nothing we could do about that.”

Canton was brought in for a test interview based on a recent op-ed in the Boston Globe, in which he argued that increased reliance on nuclear power is “inevitable.” When asked to address nuclear power’s potentially disastrous consequences, however, Canton launched into a well-reasoned lecture that balanced modern energy demands against safety and environmental concerns.

Salters was not impressed.

“[Canton] went on like that for six… long… minutes,” Salters said. “Fact after mind-numbing fact. Then he started spewing all these statistics about megawatts and the nation’s current energy consumption and I don’t know what, because my mind just shut off. I tried to lead him in the right direction. I told him to address the fears that the average citizen might have about nuclear power, but he still utterly failed to mention meltdowns, radiation, or mushroom clouds.”

“I’m sure he knows what he’s talking about,” Salters added. “But we have a responsibility to educate and entertain our viewers. In the end, we had to go with someone else.”

MSNBC chose Skip Hammond, former Arizona State football player, MBA holder, and author of Imprison The Sun: America’s Coming Nuclear-Power Holocaust. Hammond is best known for his “atomic domino” theory of chained power-plant explosions and his signature lavender silk tie.

Hammond is scheduled to appear in all six parts of the upcoming Learning Channel series Frost Or Fire: America’s Coming Energy Tribulations.

If you peel off the layers of that Onion you see a major modern media malaise.

And there is no known cure.

 

Braindead teen to be euthanized

A report from the US: Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized

The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can now do nothing but lay on the couch and whine about things being “gay.”

R14 restriction on Bible

From Stuff: Andrew Gunn: Family First now wants to restrict the Bible

BibleR14

Reading the whole thing has been quite a revelation.

Lobby group Family First today announced a campaign to restrict the Bible to those over the age 14, stating that the much-loved and highly-regarded best-seller was likely to cause lasting psychological damage to younger readers.

Speaking from atop a high horse perched on a soapbox resting on the moral high ground outside Family First headquarters, spokesman Gordon Prim described the Bible as a “catalogue of debauchery” and a “user-guide to humanity’s darkest impulses”.

Mr Prim explained that while Family First had in the past referred to biblical values, it was only when members sat down and read the Bible cover-to-cover that they were shocked to discover its prurient content.

“This book gets off to a sordid start involving hot sex in an alfresco setting,” Mr Prim said, “and within pages one brother is murdering another in a fit of jealous rage.

“Even a cursory thumb-through reveals depictions of genocide, violence, idolatry, fornication, and a practice known as “coveting your neighbour’s ass” which I haven’t yet got to the bottom of but fully intend to google.

More laughs at http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/opinion/71855126/andrew-gunn-family-first-now-wants-to-restrict-the-bible

Your NZ is reviewing my position

Not everyone will know that late last year Cameron Slater had a secret meeting with Your NZ and as a result Pete George Live is under review.

Slater has posted at Whale Oil:

They came to learn.  It appears those at the meeting picked up the major points.

It is pleasing to see that things are working out as planned.

One by one I will make people who executed Dirty Politics against me realise that there are consequences for their decisions.

I’m extremely annoyed he had a meeting with me without me knowing and has conspired to fulfil “I want that centre bastard gone” but c’est la blogging.

More details in the next post.

Winston Peters apologises, pledges to work constructively

A very sober looking Winston Peters made several apologies last night and pledged to work constructively, first for the people of Northland who voted for him, second for the good of Parliament and of the country, and third to restore his credibility as a politician (Winston third).

Press Release
Winston Peters (NZ First Party)
31 March 2015

First I want to apologise to the people of Northland for using them as a means of carrying out political utu. I pledge to put their interests first and to work hard and diligently for the betterment of Northland.

Second I apologise the the Speaker David Carter for acting like a petulant child in Parliament and disrespecting the Chair and the House. I am sorry I acted like as bad a winner as Brad Haddin.

Third I apologise to John Key for calling him ‘a spolt brat’ and ‘lad’. I was the one who acted like a childish brat. I respect Key as the Prime Minister and work with him as best I can in a constructive manner for the benefit of Northland and the country.

Fourth I apologise to Andrew Little, who I ran all over after he threw Willow-Jean Prime under my campaign bus. He clapped me as loudly as anyone in the Labour caucus when I first rose in Parliament after my win. I thank him for what he’s done for me and humbly recognise him as the rightful Leader of the Opposition. I will go and talk to him about what I can do for Labour as soon as he summons me.

Now the euphoria of my grand triumph has worn off a bit I pledge to put the interests of the Northland electorate first and foremost, as I promised in the campaign.

I also pledge to start respecting the sanctity of Parliament and authority of the Speaker and act in accordance with positive and constructive politics.

And only my third priority I am determined to restore my dignity and credibility to the highest level it was at over the last forty years of my career.

A senior journalist, who wishes to remain anonymous, remarked “I’m shattered. If Winston reforms and becomes sensible, co-operative and constructive I’ll never get any headlines off him. Which politician will we laud over and promote now?”

Slater KO’d quickly by Ryder in mad mismatch

In a ridiculous and dangerous mismatch Cameron Slater was knocked down and then knocked out by Jessie Ryder in the first minute of a charity boxing match.

Jesse Ryder made light work of blogger Cameron Slater with a first-round knockout victory in their celebrity boxing bout at the Super 8 event in Christchurch tonight.

Slater, who shed 17kg in training for the bout, was never in the contest against a sharp-looking Ryder, who knocked him down within the first minute and finished the job shortly after.

Ryder, a former Black Cap, had experience in the ring having beat radio host Mark Watson via TKO in 2012, while Slater was fighting for the first time.

– NZ Herald Boxing: Ryder knocks out Slater

It was a senseless fight in a number of ways.

This was as decisive a beating as National got in Northland. Ironically Slater was in the red corner.

Whale Oil lived blogged the ‘fight’:

21:55 by Pete at Whaleoil
Cam is walking to the ring

21:56  Here we go! by Junior
Cam is in the red corner.

21:57 by Junior
Cam is looking pretty damn focused!

22:00 by Junior
Here we go. First round starting now!

22:01 by Junior
Cam is trying to get inside but has his head down. Cam is down

22:01 by Junior
8 count but up on his feet

22:02
Cameron is down hard

22:03
He’s back up but he was out, not quite cold but Ryder hit him hard behind the ear

22:04
The ref called it there bang on a minute. Not sure if he will get his money out of Soper and Williams.

22:04
One minute one second. Good on him for giving it a go, it was a tough ask.

22:05
Camerons interiew is up now.

22:05 by Pete at Whaleoil
I’m gutted.  I know how hard Cam’s worked for this.

22:07 by Junior
Cameron feels OK and got some big bangs but he did this for charity and still still put his body on the line. Cams gonna sit down and enjoy the title fight!

Cam is a braver man than 90% of the guys that ‘talk’ about getting into the round.

22:07 by Pete at Whaleoil
Ryder has youth, fitness, reach and height.  In spite of all that, I still felt Cam had a chance.   Proud of that man.  But then I always was.

Slater had less chance than Osborne ion Northland. Probably less chance than Prime in Northland.

I’m not a fan of boxing at the best of times but this mis-match was a disgraceful and dangerous farce.

And don’t expect that knocking Slater senseless will have knocked any sense into him.

His wife commented:

I am relieved that it is over. He is a very brave man. I hope the concussions do not damage that amazing brain of his.

Congratulations to Jesse and I hope that Kidscan have done well out of this.

I also hope that this will satisfy the blood lust of those who wanted to see Cam hurt and punished because they do not like his opinions. All I will say is that he has lost everything financially and got up again. He lost his ability to feel happy and he got it back again. His friends and professional contacts were attacked and he got back up again. Jesee knocked him down twice and he got back up again. That is why my man is a winner and always will be.

Being stupid isn’t being brave, and this was an extremely stupid fight to get into.

If Slater really wanted to be brave he should try a contest in his field of expertise, politics. It would have been far safer for him to have stood against Peters and Osborne in Northland.